Jeff Dunham - Peanut the Woozle

  • Season 3 , Ep 0306
  • 01/10/2000
  • Views: 82,145

If Peanut were a ventriloquist, he'd like to work at funerals and on airplanes. (1:57)

BY THE END OF MY TIME TONIGHT,HE WILL BE THAT OF YOURS

HE'S NOT HUMAN;HE'S WHAT THEY CALL A "WHOOZO."

PLEASE WELCOME MY BUDDY, PEANUT.

( applause and cheers )

( laughing )

HOW YOU DOING, PEANUT?

I'M DOING PRETTY GOOD.

HOW ABOUT YOU?I'M FINE.

THAT'S GOOD.THAT'S GOOD.

THAT'S GOOOOD.

( laughing )

WELL, LOOKS LIKEA PRETTY GOOD CROWD TONIGHT.

YOU'VE BEEM LOOKINGFORWARD TO THIS?

OH, SURE.I LOVE NEW YORK.

YOU'VE BEEN HAVINGFUN AT MANHATTAN?

OH, SURE. I GOT ON THE PLANETHIS MORNING IN LOS ANGELES

AT THE CRACK OF DAWN

FLEW ALL THE WAYACROSS THE COUNTRY

GOT OFF THE PLANE HERE

MMM... AH, NEWARK!

( laughing )

OH, YOU LIKE IT HERE?

YEAH. I LEARNED SOMETHING NEWIN CENTRAL PARK THIS AFTERNOON.

WHAT?IF YOU PUNCH A MIMEIN THE STOMACH

HE'LL MAKE A NOISE.

( laughter and applause )

YOU KNOW, I THINKIT'D BE COOL

TO DO WHAT YOU DO.WHAT?

I THINK IT'D BE COOLTO BE A VENTRILOQUIST.

WHY THAT?I GO TO A LOTOF FUNERALS.

DEARLY BELOVED,WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY...

I'M NOT DEAD YET!

( laughter )

( high-pitched ):LET ME OUT OF HERE!

YOU SON OF A...

( laughing )

YOU KNOW WHERE ELSEI THROW MY VOICE?

WHERE?ON THE AIRLINE.

THE AIRLINE.

( slurring ):THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.

( audience laughing )

BOY, ARE WE HAVING FUNFLYING THIS BIG AIRPLANE.

WHOO-HA-HA-HA-HA!

WE'RE SORRYABOUT THE TURBULENCE.

( chortling )

SEE THAT YOU KEEP YOURSEAT BELTS FASTENED.

AND IF YOU DON'T

CO-CAPTAIN BOB'S GOINGTO COME BACK THERE

AND KICK YOUR AAASS.

SAY GOOD NIGHT, PEANUT.

YOU GUYS HAVEBEEN GREAT.

THAT'S PEANUT.THERE WE GO.

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