Bret Ernst - Let's Get a Table

  • Season 14, Ep 17
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 32,169

Italians believe that bottle service at night clubs is the classiest thing in the world. (2:37)

WE'RE THE WORST WHEN WE GO OUT,

'CAUSE WE ALWAYS WANT YOUTO THINK WE'RE IN THE MOB,

SO WE'RE ALWAYS PAYINGFOR STUFF, YOU KNOW?

EVER SEE WHEN WE GO OUT?

ALWAYS LIKE,

[ New York accent ] "I GOT IT.DON'T WORRY 'BOUT IT."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"I GOT IT. I GOT IT.WHAT ARE YOU..."

[ Normal voice ] WE ALWAYS GETEMBARRASSED IF YOU TRY --

[ New York accent ] "WHAT,ARE YOU TRYING TO EMBARRASS ME

IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY?"

[ LAUGHS ]

"I GOT IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?I GOT IT!

[ Normal voice ]LIKE YOU'RE OFFENDING THEM...

"NO, LET ME PUT --"

[ New York accent ]"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU EMBARRASS ME IN FRONTOF THE WHOLE RESTAURANT?"

"I GOT IT! I GOT IT!DON'T EMB--"

"PUT YOUR MONEY AWAY!PUT YOUR..."

[ Normal voice ]THAT'S WHY WE LOVE, LIKE,

WHEN WE GO OUT TO CLUBS,LIKE, ME AND MY FRIENDS --

ITALIANS LOVE BOTTLE SERVICE,TOO, BY THE WAY.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THAT.

THEY THINK THAT'S THE CLASSIESTTHING IN THE WORLD.

MY FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS LIKE,

[ New York accent ]"YO, WE SHOULD GO OUT TONIGHT.

COME ON.LET'S GET A TABLE!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"LET'S GET A TA--"

[ Normal voice ]AND, BY THE WAY, IF YOU'RE DOINGTHAT, YOU'RE A MORON, OKAY?

YOU'RE A MORON.

YOU EVER GO TO A CLUBAND THEY'RE, LIKE, DEMANDING?

THEY'RE LIKE, "HEY, SO, UH,YOU KNOW, HOW DO WE GET IN?"

"THERE'S 2-BOTTLE, UH, COVER --2-BOTTLE LIMIT.

YOU GOT TO PURCHASE TWO BOTTLES,OR WE'RE NOT LETTING YOU IN."

"HOW MUCH IS IT A BOTTLE?"

"$1,000."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"YOUR COVER CHARGE IS $2,000?"

HOW ABOUT I GO TO 'CLUB LIQUORSTORE' AND GET, YOU KNOW..."

OR MY FRIENDS WILL COME IN...

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

NO, BUT MY FRIENDS WILL STEP IN.

I'M LIKE,"YEAH, WELL, $2,000 --"

[ New York accent ] "DON'T.YOU'RE EMBARRASSING EVERYBODY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"NOW COME ON, WE'LL GET A TABLE.LET'S GET A TABLE!"

[ Normal voice ] ANDITALIANS LOVE MEZZANINES, TOO.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THAT.

[ New York accent ]"COME ON, YOU GOT A TABLEUP IN THE MEZZANINE?"

[ LAUGHS ]

"COME ON! LET'S GET A TABLEIN THE MEZZANINE!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"WELL, WE'RE IN THE V.I.P.!WE GOT A TABLE!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ Normal voice ]COLOGNE EVERYWHERE.

THEN, OF COURSE, THERE HAS TO BEA PICTURE AT THE TABLE.

[ Chuckling ]THEY ALWAYS POSE PICTURESOF THEMSELVES IN THE CLUB.

WE LIKE POSING,BUT WITH THE GUIDO LIPS, LIKE...

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

ITALIANS LOVE THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S LIKE,"SMELL HOW AWESOME I AM."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

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