Michael Ian Black - Something Anal

Michael Ian Black: Very Famous Season 1, Ep 101 08/06/2011 Views: 1,800

Michael Ian Black's take-home stool-sample test included a chance to win an art scholarship. (1:49)

YOU KNOW, HE'S JUST,YOU KNOW.

HE'S MAKING COTTON CANDY,YOU GUYS.

THAT'S--THAT'S THE WEIRD THING.

AND, YOU KNOW,I GUESS HE'S DOING A GOOD JOB.

I DON'T KNOW.WHEN HE'S DONE, HE WITHDRAWS.

AND HE SAYS, "WELL, I DON'TSEE ANYTHING OBVIOUS.

IT'S PROBABLY JUSTSOMETHING ANAL."

WEIRD SENTENCE.

AND THEN HE GOES,

"BUT IT MIGHT BE CANCER."

OKAY.

AND SO HE GOES, "SO YOU MIGHTWANT TO THINK

"ABOUT A COLONOSCOPY.

"UH, BUT IN THE MEANTIME,

I'M GONNA GIVE YOUTHIS TAKE-HOME TEST."

AND THE TAKE-HOME TESTIS THIS ENVELOPE

ABOUT THIS BIG WITH THREEWHITE PAPER STRIPS ON IT.

AND INSIDEIS A LITTLE FUN STICK.

AND HE GOES, "THE NEXT"--

WELL, I'M--HE DIDN'T SAY FUN STICK.

I'M SAYING FUN STICK.

LIKE, THAT WOULD HAVE BEENWEIRD TOO.

BEEN LIKE, "HEY, A FUN STICK.LOOK AT THAT."

HE GOES, "THE NEXT THREE TIMESYOU HAVE A BOWEL MOVEMENT,

"DIP THE FUN STICK IN,TAKE A LITTLE SAMPLE,

AND PUT IT ON THE WHITEPAPER STRIP."

AND I'M LIKE, "WELL, HOW DO IKNOW IF I HAVE TOO LITTLE

OR TOO MUCH."

AND HE GOES,"THAT'S WHY YOU'LL NOTICE

"ON THE SIDE OF THE ENVELOPE,

"THERE'S A LITTLECARTOON TURTLE.

"YOU JUST WANT TO MAKE IT LOOKAS MUCH LIKE THE CARTOON TURTLE

"AS POSSIBLE.

"THAT WAY,NOT ONLY DO WE ENSURE

"THAT WE GET A PROPERSAMPLE SIZE,

BUT YOU MIGHT WINAN ART SCHOLARSHIP."

AND THEN HE GOES,"AND THEN JUST SEAL IT UP

AND MAIL IT IN."

AND MY FIRST THOUGHTOF COURSE IS,

"DOES HE MEAN I HAVETO LICK THE ENVELOPE CLOSED?"

BUT DON'T WORRY, YOU GUYS,IT'S A STICKER,

AND YOU JUST...

AND YOU GO LIKE THAT.