JB Smoove - Late Model Black Ass Van

  • Season 2 , Ep 5
  • 02/17/2012
  • Views: 3,505

If you get kidnapped when you're 35 years old, JB Smoove believes it's your own fault. (1:54)

GROWN PEOPLE, PLEASE,PAY ATTENTION

TO YOURSURROUNDINGS, RIGHT?

PEOPLE ARE GETTIN'TAKEN EVERY DAY, MAN.

KIDNAPPINGS IS UP...KIDNAPPINGS ARE UP, OKAY?

IT'S ONE THING WHENA KID GETS KIDNAPPED.

WHEN YO ASS IS 35 YEARSOLD, AND YOU GET KIDNAPPED,

THAT'S NOT EVENTHE KIDNAPPER FAULT.

THAT'S YOURGODDAMN FAULT!

CAN'T BLAME THATON THE KIDNAPPER.

PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSURROUNDINGS, PEOPLE.

LOOK WHAT THE [bleep]IS GOING ON AROUND YOU.

YOU WALKIN' ON THE DAMN STREET,COMIN' FROM THE DAMN STORE.

THERE'S A DUDE RIDIN' NEXT TOYOU WITH TWO WHEELS ON THE CURB,

RIDING THE SAME SPEED YOASS IS WALKIN', LIKE THIS:

[audience laughter]

YOU DON'T SEEA DAMN THING WRONG?

HE ABOUT TO TAKE YO ASS!

[audience laughter]

YOU SEE A LATE-MODEL,BLACK-ASS VAN...

RUN-- [bleep] RUN.

LATE MODEL, BLACK-ASS VANAIN'T NOTHIN' GOOD FOR SHIT.

AIN'T NO CHURCHREVIVAL IN THERE,

AIN'T NO DAMN COTTON CANDY,AIN'T NO GODDAMN ICE CREAM,

NOTHIN' BUT BAD NEWS IN ALATE-MODEL, BLACK-ASS VAN.

A BLACK ASS VAN ROLL UPWITH THAT BIG ASS DOOR.

"GET YO ASS IN HERE!

"GET YO ASS IN HERE."

WHEN YOU SEE THATBIG-ASS DOOR,

YOU JUST GET THE [bleep]OUTTA THERE!

[audience laughter]

BE TAKIN' PEOPLE.

YOU CANNOT TAKE NOBODYIN NO DAMN NEW VANS.

FOR THE GODDAMN DOOR,

YOU GOTTA PUSH THE DAMNBUTTON, TOO GODDAMN SLOW.

THAT BUTTON...

[audience laughter]

"AH, A KIDNAPPER!"

"CLOSE THE DOOR--CLOSE THAT GODDAMN DOOR!

"OH, SHIT--THE BITCH SAW MY FACE."

"YO, GO-- AHHH!"

I TOLD YO ASS--LATE-MODEL, BLACK-ASS VANS!

YOU COME BACK WITHA 2011 MINI VAN?

THE BITCH SAW MY FACE!

SHE HAD TIME TO GETINTO THE GODDAMN VAN,

LOOK AT ME AGAIN AND HAD TIMETO GET THE [bleep] BACK OUT

BEFORE THE DOOR CLOSED.

THE BITCH SAW MY FACE!

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