Ardal O'Hanlon - The Importance of Sex

  • Season 5 , Ep 15
  • 10/07/2001
  • Views: 3,695

There has to be some more dignified way of expressing your love for another human being. (3:00)

THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE

IN THE WORLD, TWO TYPES OF

PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM TONIGHT.

THERE ARE THOSE WHO HAVE LOTS OF

CASUAL SEX WITH STRANGERS.

AND THERE'S JEALOUS PEOPLE.

(APPLAUSE AND SCREAMS)

AND THERE THEY ARE OVER THERE.

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

THIS COULD BE YOUR LUCKY NIGHT.

ACCORDING TO A MAGAZINE I GET

CALLED, GROSS GENERALIZATION,

VERY IMPORTANT PUBLICATION,

A PERSON HAS SEX 2,580 TIMES

IN HIS OR HER LIFE.

THAT'S AN AWFUL LOT OF SEX,

IT MEANS I HAVE AN AWFUL LOT OF

CATCHING UP TO DO.

I USED TO GET THIS IRISH

CATHOLIC MAGAZINE CALLED,

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES.

PAINTED A VERY DIFFERENT

PICTURE.

I WAS TRYING TO WORK OUT AN

AVERAGE.

HOW MANY TIMES A YEAR IS THAT?

ASSUMING YOU START HAVING SEX

WHEN YOUR 33, AND YOU KEEP GOING

ON TILL YOU'RE MARRIED FOR

AWHILE.

ASSUMING THAT YOU KNOW THAT

MARRIAGE IS WHEN TWO PEOPLE

ARE JOINED TOGETHER TO BECOME

ONE DESPERATELY BORING PERSON.

(APPLAUSE)

NOW IN IRELAND, IT TOOK US

AWHILE TO CATCH UP.

I MEAN, WERE VERY SEXUALLY

LIBERATED NOW OF COARSE,

AS A NATION.

BUT THAT WASN'T ALWAYS THE CASE,

YOU SEE BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE

THE 60s IN IRELAND.

WE WENT STRAIGHT FROM THE 50s

TO 1972.

SO WE DIDN'T EXPERIENCE NOTIONS

OF FLOWER POWER OR FREE LOVE

OR WOODSTOCK.

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THAT,

YOU KNOW?

WE WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN WHAT TO

DO WITH FREE LOVE.

WE WOULD HAVE BEEN SAYING--

WHAT ARE YOU AFTER?

MY LAND, HUH?

GO AWAY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

IF IT WAS FREE DRINK,

THAT WOULD BE A DIFFERENT STORY

AND THEN AFTER A FEW FREE DRINKS

WE'D BE WONDERING IS THE FREE

LOVE STILL GOING.

BUT LUCKILY, I HAVE NO INTEREST

IN SEX AT ALL.

YOU KNOW, IT'S SO UNDIGNIFIED

REALLY ISN'T IT.

ATTACHING YOURSELF TO ANOTHER

HUMAN BEING LIKE THAT.

AND MAKING ALL THOSE FACES.

(APPLAUSE)

AND THOSE NOISES.

HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH.

SURELY THERE MUST BE A MORE

DIGNIFIED WAY TO EXPRESS YOUR

LOVE AND ADMIRATION FOR ANOTHER

HUMAN BEING.

YOU KNOW, LIKE BAKING THEM A

NICE CAKE OR SOMETHING--

OR JUST LEAVING THEM ALONE

FOR AWHILE.

THAT WOULD DO IT.

(LAUGHTER)

AND SOME PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO

REALIZE THAT SEX IS A VERY

IMPORTANT PART OF A

RELATIONSHIP.

LET'S JUST PICK A GENDER AT

RANDOM HERE.

SOME WOMEN DON'T SEEM TO KNOW

ABOUT THIS, YOU KNOW?

IT'S NEVER THE RIGHT TIME,

THEY'VE ALWAYS GOT A HEADACHE

OR THEIR TOO TIRED, YOU KNOW?

OR THEY HAVE MORE IMPORTANT

THINGS TO DO LIKE PUTTING THINGS

IN LITTLE BOXES.

WELL, TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME

CAN'T THEY.

WELL, LET'S START THE GENDER

WAR.

YOU KNOW, THE SHOE WILL BE ON

THE OTHER FOOT THEN,

WE'LL SEE WHO'S GOT THE

HEADACHE, WHO'S TOO TIRED,

WHO'S GOT TO PUT THE LITTLE

THINGS INTO BOXES.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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