Profiles in Tremendousness - National Security Adviser Michael Flynn

December 1, 2016 - Chelsea Handler 12/01/2016 Views: 63,980

Hasan Minhaj weighs in on President-elect Trump's national security adviser pick Michael Flynn, whose checkered past includes charges of racism and incompetence. (6:06)

Watch Full Episode

It's now almost a monthsince Election Day,

and, uh, it's becoming moreand more clear that this is real

and we're not trappedin a Matrix-like experiment

to see how humans survivea Trump presidency.

But if we are,Morpheus, I'm ready!

I'm ready to leave, Morpheus!

I want the red pill.

So, as the president-electcontinues to fill out

his cabinet, let's meetanother of his key picks

in tonight's installmentof Profiles in Tremendousness.

I havethe most dedicated people.

-I know the best people.-I have the best people.

We're gonna use our best people!

I have the smartest peoplein the world.

I know guys that are so good.

So good.

Tonight, we focuson Donald Trump's choice

for national security advisor,

a person who basicallysynthesizes information

from the State Department,the Defense Department,

and the intelligence agencies

and clarifies itfor the president's consumption.

Basically, the gig isnational security Brita filter.

You distilland purify everything

that comes through you, andyou probably won't be replaced

for about six years.

Anyway, the man Trump has namedto this critical post

is retired lieutenant general,Michael Flynn.

And, uh, his experience speaksfor itself.

REPORTER: General Mike Flynn, a decorated combat veteran

who rose to the top of military intelligence

before being fired by President Obama two years ago.

He was fired fromthe Defense Intelligence Agency

for, uh, basically,incompetence.

REPORTER 2: On at least two occasions,

his handling of classified information

came under scrutiny by the U.S. military.

REPORTER 3: General Flynn was known around the Pentagon

for what were called "Flynn facts,"

hyperbolic statements that were not grounded in reality.

Yeah. Those are two thingsto consider.

First of all, he leakedclassified information.

He was also one of the peoplegoing, "Lock her up!"

But, I mean, that's done now.

And, secondly,to be described as that--

"hyperbolic statements thatwere not grounded in reality."

I wonder, what does Donald Trumpsee in this man?

Now, here's-here's, uh, someof his best "Flynn facts,"

as they're called.Uh, shariah law is spreading

in the United States,which is false.

Iran had killed more Americansthan al-Qaeda.

Not even close.Uh, still, though,

they're really cute Flynn facts,aren't they? Yeah?

Like a...He's like a less reliable,

more xenophobic Snapple cap.That's what he is.

Uh, and my favorite,oh, my favorite one is

three-quarters of all new cellphones were bought by Africans.

Which is not true.

But I understandwhat happened here.

You see, I have to...I have to explain.

General Flynn and I were ina store together,

and, um, he-he saw me buy this.

And he's judging all Africansbecause of why I d...

what I did. I'm holding us back.You know, I was just...

-(phone ringing) -Oh, I was...I was... Oh, sorry.

Hold on.

Hello?

Hello? What?

A sale on phones? All right,I'll be there in 15 minutes.

All right. Bye.

Anyway, where were we?Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, uh, General Flynn.For more on General Flynn,

we turn to Senior NationalSecurity Correspondent

-Hasan Minhaj, everybody!-(cheering and applause)

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, Trevor.You know, this is a big job

the general is filling, soI was psyched to learn all sorts

of Flynn facts.Here's a fun one to kick us off.

REPORTER: Flynn routinely retweeted

unfounded conspiracy theories

and promotes users tweeting anti-Semitic messages,

retweeting a tweet that read, "Not anymore, Jews."

(groaning, laughter)

"Not anymore, Jews."

The only way that's not racist

is if you're the bouncer ata bar mitzvah at full capacity.

(laughter)

(cheering and applause)

But even then

it just feels racist. Be nice!

You know, the anti-Semitismisn't even the scariest part.

It's the factthat the president's number one

intelligence guy also retweetsconspiracy theories.

This guy's gonna walkinto the Oval Office.

"Mr. President, we knowwho was behind the shooting.

It's Tupac! He's still alive!"

Here's another Flynn factthat's not quite as fun.

WOMAN: In his book, Field of Fight, Flynn writes

"I don't believe all cultures are morally equivalent."

WOMAN 2: Flynn's views of Islam have made him a lightning rod,

tweeting earlier this year, "Fear of Muslims is rational."

Islam is a political ideology.

It is a political ideology.

It definitely hides behind thisnotion of it being a religion.

It's like cancer.

-(audience groaning)-Damn.

(sighs)

(laughter)

I've been alive for 31 years,and no one told me I had cancer?

-(laughter)-But, Hasan, seriously, though,

how does it feelwhen this guy declares

your religion is actuallya political ideology?

Trevor, it's awful. I mean...

you're telling me I gave uppepperoni pizza, booze and bacon

all because of politics?

I thoughtI was getting into heaven!

Well, you still might,my friend.

No, I'm not! I have God cancer!

(laughter)

Look, obviously, it's terrifying

that the next president'snational security guy

is openly Islamophobic,and just a few years ago,

he was also firedfor incompetence,

but then, after that, he ends upgetting a huge promotion.

Flynn is likethe M. Night Shyamalan

-of the intelligence community.-(laughter)

The guy keeps failing,

and people stillkeep giving him jobs!

I can say thatbecause I'm M. Night Shyamalan.

-(laughter)-♪ Dun, dun, dah!

Wow. Wow, Hasan. Wow.

All right, so, Flynn isa disgraced, incompetent

conspiracy theorist,

and he still got the country'stop national security job.

-I'm sorry. That's terrible.-No, no, no, no, no.

(Bleep) upand still getting a promotion--

-that's the American dream,baby. -(laughter)

Thank you, Hasan.Hasan Minhaj, everybody.