Barry Diamond - $400 Down

Season 1 , Ep 0117 02/24/92 Views: 1,833

If you think your home is expensive, check out Barry's mortgage. (2:16)

I JUST BOUGHT A NEW HOUSEIN THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS

THAT I'M VERY PROUD OF.

I BOUGHT A $6 MILLION HOUSE.

I GOT A GREAT DEAL ON IT--I PUT DOWN $400.

AND I HAVE A MORTGAGEOF $31,000 EVERY MONTH.

( laughter )

SO MY IDEA IS TO LIVE THEREFOR THREE MONTHS

UNTIL THEY THROW METHE HELL OUT OF THERE.

( laughter )

AND HOPEFULLY BY THAT TIME THEHOUSE WILL APPRECIATE IN VALUE.

THEN I COULD ACTUALLYPUT DOWN A DOWN PAYMENT

ON A HOUSE THAT I AND MY ENTIREHIGHLY TRAINED MEDICAL STAFF

CAN AFFORD TO LIVE IN.

BECAUSE I'M A DOCTOR;I'M A HEALER.

I'M A MAN OF SCIENCE.

( in a falsetto: )I'M A SCIENTIST.

( laughter )

I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT.

( laughter )

THAT'S WHAT I REALLY AM.

THAT'S WHAT I REALLY WOULD BE

IF THEY WOULD JUSTLET ME BE WHO I AM!

( laughter )

IF THEY WOULD JUST LET MESPREAD MY WINGS

AND HEAR ME ROAR.

( laughter )

( meows )

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF Y'ALL OUTTHERE ARE SAYING TO YOURSELVES

"AM I GAY, OR AM I MEMOREX?"

( laughter )

ACTUALLY, I WAS ENGAGEDTO BE MARRIED LAST YEAR.

I CAME VERY CLOSETO GETTING MARRIED--

AS CLOSE AS A MAN CAN GET.

I GOT TO THE PART IN THECEREMONY WHERE I SAID, "I."

AND THEN I REMEMBERSAYING SOMETHING

ABOUT "GOT TO GETTHE HELL OUT OF HERE."

'CAUSE THIS MARRIAGE SITUATION,THAT'S SOME SCARY...

THAT'S SCARY,MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

PRIMARILY BECAUSEI'VE FOUND IN MY LIFE

THAT YOU WOMEN,GOD BLESS YOU WOMEN

GOD BLESS EACHAND EVERY ONE OF YOU

BUT THE IDEA OF GETTINGINTO A MARRIAGE

WITH ONE OF YOU LOONY PEOPLEIS BEYOND MR. IMAGINATION.

FIRST OF ALL, A MAN PROPOSES.

HE SAYS, "HONEY,LET'S GET MARRIED.

"I WANT YOU TO PACK UPEVERYTHING YOU HAVE

"AND ADD TO THATALL OF THE EMOTIONAL

"AND PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGETHAT'S BEEN DONE TO YOU

"AND ALL OF THE NEUROTIC CRAP

"THAT YOU ARE CARRYINGAROUND WITH YOU

AND BRING IT OVER TO MY HUT!"

( laughter )

"AND THEN WE'LL LETTHE GAMES BEGIN."

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