Chris Hardwick - Sober Strip Clubs

Chris Hardwick: Mandroid Season 1, Ep 101 11/10/2012 Views: 11,070

Chris Hardwick sees the matrix code behind strip clubs. (2:24)

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Water!

I don't drink alcohol.I don't drink alcohol.

I'm just a super--I'm a--

I'm a boringlyresponsible guy.

"Let's get super hydrated

"and go to bedat a reasonable hour

while [bleep] no shit up!"

I don't drink anymore.I used to.

I used to drink,

but I had to stop.

I mean, if you can drink,do it, right?

Because drinking is likepouring smiles on your brain.

It's fun.

But for me, sometimes thingshappen in your life

that make youquestion whether or not

you're makingthe right choices in life.

Like, maybe you'll wake upone night

on the floor ofa strange apartment

with your dick in a shoe.

That is not a joke.

Uh, I--

It was not my fault.

I was hammered and I sawan opening and a tongue,

and some things transpired.

Sobrietyis very interesting.

Like, I do--I do enjoy it,

but it gives youan interesting clarity in life.

You know, you see thingsfor how they really are,

and that's not alwaysan awesome thing.

Like, I can never go toa strip club ever again, ever.

Sober, strip clubsare horrible.

When you are sober,

you see the Matrix codebehind a strip club.

Right?

And it's justyou're paying girls

to pretend to like youuntil you run out of money

so they can walk awayto someone.

That's it.

You walk into a strip clubwith a wad of cash,

they all flock around you.

Strippers are justpigeons with tits.

They go where the bread is.

They don't careabout your dreams

or your hopes, right?

You just--Like, the secondyou're out of money...

[imitates pigeon cooing]

Gone.

And you can't touch them.

You can't touchthe strippers.

Why are you payingto not touch someone?

That is weird.

How do you winin that situation?

That is like walking into a delistarving and being like,

"Oh, here's $300.

"Can I stareat the roast beef?

"Better yet,I'll sit down in this chair

and you can mash it aroundmy mouth and balls."

"Oh, can't wait to get hometo the wife tonight."