Demetri Martin - Dust Pan

Demetri Martin: Standup Comedian. 09/29/2012 Views: 36,894

Demetri Martin voices his frustration with his dust pan, which is only willing to help him out up to a point. (1:59)

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When I'm cleaning upmy apartment

I feel like my dustpanis willing to help out

but just to a point.

Like,"All right, cool.

There's just a little bitleft here."

And thenthe dustpan's like,

"I'm out right here."

"No, come on, dustpan.There's just dust left.

I mean, you're called a dustpan.Let's just do this."

"I'm notpicking that up."

"The hell you're not.We're gonna go perpendicular.

You're picking this up."

It's like, "I said no.

"Take the broomand just redistribute it

around the room."

I've seen a lotof proud sponsors of things.

I'd like to seea reluctant sponsor.

"Subaru, reluctant sponsorof the WNBA."

I wish that they would just callthe news "what's wrong."

"Hi, it's 6:00.Here's what's wrong."


"Now for the local news,here's the worst [bleep]

that happenedthe closest to you."

I wonder whatthe long form of "OK" is.

What's "OK" short for?

Is it "okeydokey"?

That would be interesting.

There areall these situations

that would soundmuch more interesting.

"Are you...okeydokey?"

"I'm okeydokey.Thank you.

That was a close call."

The surgeon comes out.

"She's gonna beokeydokey."

"Thank God, Doctor.

She's okeydokey,you guys."

"Your behaviorin this office

is not okeydokey!"

You want to fightsomebody.

"Okeydokey,let's do this."

"Okeydokey.Okeydokey, easy."