Baron Vaughn - Blacksistential Crisis

  • Season 2 , Ep 15
  • 06/21/2013
  • Views: 13,417

Baron Vaughn fields questions about the N-word and tries to relate to a grocery store janitor. (2:29)

And the reason Ibring up this, uh,

black-istential crisis is, uh,

because someonerecently asked me

if I use the, uh,the N word in my life.

And I'm like,"I never say never 3-D."

But...

No, I was like,"Hey, thanks for asking,

"bearded white manat this party.

"Uh, now I regret going outside.

"Usually, I don't say it

"because it makesmy grandmother's ghost cry.

"Also, you should have said'the N word'

instead of saying the N word."

(giggles)

That's not true.I do use it sometimes.

Like, I'll use it if I'm talkingto a black person

I know I will never see again.

They drop itinto the conversation,

and then I got to passthis pop quiz

that I obviously studied for.

Like, I wasat a grocery store recently,

trolling for breakfast cereals,my one true weakness.

I walk around the corner.

This black dude, right,my age, a janitor,

cleaning up glass and jelly'cause someone felt like

knocking over Smucker'sthat day.

Let me add that he was notdoing a good job.

He was just mopping itin a circle,

as if to say,"The pinker this becomes,

"the cleaner this becomes.

"No one will see the glass.

That's the point of it."

(chuckles)And I walk

around the corner,and he saw me.

Like, his eyes lit up, right,and he thought

he had a chance to relate,to commiserate, with somebody,

and he perked up,and I walked towards him.

He's like,"Hey, brother, brother.

(laughs)

"Niggas got me down.

"Niggas...

got me down!"

And then he stared.

And I was like, (gasps) my turn.

(chuckles)

And you got to be pitch perfect.

It's all about authenticity.

Falseness can besniffed out, right?

So I didn't breakthat eye contact.

I held it, I cocked my head,

did that Denzel Washington thingto my nose,

and I was like, (laughs)

"Niggas ain't shit!"

And then I was out.

(laughs)

I can tell by his face,he had many more questions.

(laughs)

Like, "Huh?"

And, uh, "What?"

And, uh,"Why do I feel so alive?"

Because that's what I do.

I stab you with my brain shiv

that I carvedout of cultural stereotypes.

What?

God be with ye.

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