And the reason Ibring up this, uh,
black-istential crisis is, uh,
because someonerecently asked me
if I use the, uh,the N word in my life.
And I'm like,"I never say never 3-D."
No, I was like,"Hey, thanks for asking,
"bearded white manat this party.
"Uh, now I regret going outside.
"Usually, I don't say it
"because it makesmy grandmother's ghost cry.
"Also, you should have said'the N word'
instead of saying the N word."
That's not true.I do use it sometimes.
Like, I'll use it if I'm talkingto a black person
I know I will never see again.
They drop itinto the conversation,
and then I got to passthis pop quiz
that I obviously studied for.
Like, I wasat a grocery store recently,
trolling for breakfast cereals,my one true weakness.
I walk around the corner.
This black dude, right,my age, a janitor,
cleaning up glass and jelly'cause someone felt like
knocking over Smucker'sthat day.
Let me add that he was notdoing a good job.
He was just mopping itin a circle,
as if to say,"The pinker this becomes,
"the cleaner this becomes.
"No one will see the glass.
That's the point of it."
(chuckles)And I walk
around the corner,and he saw me.
Like, his eyes lit up, right,and he thought
he had a chance to relate,to commiserate, with somebody,
and he perked up,and I walked towards him.
He's like,"Hey, brother, brother.
"Niggas got me down.
got me down!"
And then he stared.
And I was like, (gasps) my turn.
And you got to be pitch perfect.
It's all about authenticity.
Falseness can besniffed out, right?
So I didn't breakthat eye contact.
I held it, I cocked my head,
did that Denzel Washington thingto my nose,
and I was like, (laughs)
"Niggas ain't shit!"
And then I was out.
I can tell by his face,he had many more questions.
And, uh, "What?"
And, uh,"Why do I feel so alive?"
Because that's what I do.
I stab you with my brain shiv
that I carvedout of cultural stereotypes.
God be with ye.