Dov Davidoff - Magnum Condoms

Davidoff, Vallee, Castillo, Rod Man Season 8, Ep 0801 11/19/2004 Views: 6,653

They could probably be better used as waders on a fly fishing trip. (1:24)

I SAW A GIRL OUTSIDE HAD THE

BIGGEST FAKE TITTIES I'VE EVER

SEEN IN MY LIFE.

THEY WERE THIS BIG WITH A

HALF TOP AND STUFF WRITTEN ON

THE SHIRT.

AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT LOOK

AT IT.

SHE GOT MAD AT ME.

SHE GOES, "WHAT ARE YOU

LOOKIN' AT?"

I WAS LIKE, "HEY, IF I STUFF A

BALLOON IN MY PANTS AND PAINT

A BULLS-EYE ON IT, YOU MIGHT

TAKE A SECOND FRIGGIN' PEAK,

WEIRDO!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW?

I SAID--

I CAN'T DO IT.

I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.

I WAS AT THIS GIRL'S HOUSE.

I DIDN'T HAVE ANY CONDOMS.

AND SHE SAID, "THAT'S OKAY."

SHE HANDS ME A MAGNUM CONDOM,

MAGNUM.

YOU GUYS KNOW MAGNUM?

Male Audience Memeber: YEAH!

Dov Davidoff: NO YOU DON'T

KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, NO, MAYBE YOU DO.

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT

LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE HIM,

THE PACKAGE LOOKS LIKE A

CD CASE, RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER]

I SAID, "THANKS, JEAN.

IF WE GO FLY FISHING I CAN PUT

THIS ON, WALK OUT INTO THE RIVER

AND CATCH US A TROUT."

DON'T GIVE ME A MAGNUM CONDOM.

I HAVE TROUBLE.

MY FRIEND SAID, "TRY LAMBSKIN.

THEY'RE REALLY THIN.

LAMBSKIN CONDOMS, THEY'RE GOOD."

AND THEY ARE.

WHAT HE DIDN'T TELL ME IS THAT

RIGHT WHEN YOU BEGIN TO CONDUCT

BUSINESS, THE WHOLE ROOM

SMELLS LIKE A GYRO.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE WERE DOING OUR THING.

SHE SAID, "WHAT'S THAT?"

I SAID, "I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I'M GETTING HUNGRY."

[LAUGHTER]