Stephen Lynch - If I Were Gay

  • Season 3 , Ep 9
  • 08/01/2000
  • Views: 29,208

Stephen sings a song about his night out with a gay friend. (3:07)

HE HAD FOUND THE SECRETTO HIS HAPPINESS.

HE DECIDED TO CELEBRATE

BY GOING OUT AND GETTING WASTEDWITH HIS BEST FRIEND.

BOYS AND GIRLS,CAN YOU SAY "BLACKOUT"?

HE AND HIS FRIEND HAD A GREAT TIME.

THEY LAUGHED; THEY CRIED.

THEY TALKEDABOUT THE GOOD TIMES.

THEY TALKEDABOUT THE BAD TIMES.

ALL IN ALL, IT WASA VERY SPECIAL NIGHT FOR STEPHEN

AND HIS FRIEND.

♪ HERE WE ARE,DEAR OLD FRIEND. ♪

♪ YOU AND I, DRUNK AGAIN.

♪ LAUGHS HAVE BEEN HAD,AND TEARS HAVE BEEN SHED. ♪

♪ MAYBE THE WHISKEY'S GONETO MY HEAD. ♪

♪ BUT IF I WERE GAY,I WOULD GIVE YOU MY HEART. ♪

♪ AND IF I WERE GAY,YOU'D BE MY WORK OF ART. ♪

♪ AND IF I WERE GAY,WE WOULD SWIM IN ROMANCE. ♪

♪ BUT I'M NOT GAY,

♪ SO GET YOUR HANDOUT OF MY PANTS. ♪

♪ IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T CARE;I DO. ♪

♪ I JUST DON'T SEE MYSELFIN YOU. ♪

♪ ANOTHER TIME, ANOTHER SCENE,

♪ I'D BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU,IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ♪

♪ 'CAUSE IF I WERE GAY,I WOULD GIVE YOU MY SOUL. ♪

♪ AND IF I WERE GAY,

♪ I WOULD GIVE YOUMY WHOLE...BEING. ♪

♪ AND IF I WERE GAY,WE WOULD TEAR DOWN THE WALLS. ♪

♪ BUT I'M NOT GAY,

♪ SO WON'T YOU STOP CUPPINGMY...HAND? ♪

♪ WE'VE NEVER HUGGED;WE'VE NEVER KISSED. ♪

♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN INTIMATEWITH YOUR FIST. ♪

♪ BUT YOU HAVE OPENEDBRAND-NEW DOORS. ♪

♪ GET OVER HERE

♪ AND DROP YOUR DRAWERS. ♪

♪ AND DROP YOUR DRAWERS. ♪

[applause]

THANK YOU, BOYS AND GIRLS.

AND STEPHEN LIVEDHAPPILY EVER AFTER.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCHFOR COMING OUT TONIGHT.

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