Ticketmaster of Puppets - Code for S**tty Events

Monday, June 20, 2016 06/20/2016 Views: 114

Joe Randazzo, Mary Holland and Dave Hill list the terrible shows that they got free Ticketmaster vouchers for. (2:14)

The world of directticket issuing and processing

was shaken to its core last weekwhen Ticketmaster, the most...

That's how I'm gonna sayit from now on. Ticketmaster.

...the most popularticket seller in the world

behind Briansetzerstubs.com--sure you're all familiar.

Uh, they're in the midstof a class-action lawsuit.

Courts ruled that Ticketmaster had to pay back consumers

millions and millions of dollarsin bull (bleep) service charges.

Rather than providecash refunds, though,

Ticketmaster's offering vouchersand discount codes

that can only be used for,quote, "eligible events,"

which is Ticketmaster codefor (bleep) events.


Here's what Twitter user

@Cryptoterra hadto say about it.


(applause and cheering)

Could be worse. Imagine openingyour "free vouchers" tab

and seeing something like"Walking on the Soleil,"

the "Smash MouthCirque du Soleil" show.


♪ Might as well be walkingon soleil. ♪

Circus (bleep).

-(laughter)-All right, comedians,

as a Ticketmaster user,please open your tab

and find out what (bleep)ticket voucher they gave you.

Dave Hill.

Two tickets to see Nickelback.

Also, you are in Nickelback.

-(laughter)-HARDWICK: Oh, wow.

-I'm... My voucher puts mein Nickelback. -Yeah.

(applause and cheering)


Mary Holland. Mary Holland.

I got front row seatsand backstage passes

to Third Eye Blind,and I'm not allowed to say no!

HARDWICK:All right, points.

-(applause and cheering)-Thank you.

♪ Joe Randazzo's next.

Oh, nice!

Front row seats to Billy Joel'ssemi-annual prostate exam.


Right up front.

♪ I'm gonna haveto get a big shot! ♪


-HOLLAND: I would actually...-(applause and cheering)

-I would actually like to seethat. -I mean... -It's tough.

-I don't know what, you know?-(overlapping chatter)

When he gets a prostate exam,it's called "The Stranger."

-(laughter)-You get it?

-Points.-You get it?

One, two, three, four,pressure.