Jimmy Dore: SO WE'RE ALL GONNA
DIE.
I CAN'T STOP THINKIN' ABOUT IT.
AND--
[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE JUST--
EVERY ONE OF US, WE'RE ALL GONNA
DIE.
AND I WAS READIN' THIS ARTICLE
ABOUT IT.
AND THIS ARTICLE SAID THAT WE'RE
THE ONLY ANIMAL AWARE OF OUR OWN
DEATH.
SO WE DO A LOT OF THINGS, LIKE
WE INVENT RELIGION AND HEAVEN
TO MAKE IT EASIER TO DIE SO WE
DON'T GO KICKING AND SCREAMING
INTO OUR GRAVES, AND WE HAVE
DIGNITY AT THE END OF LIFE.
AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, THAT
MAKES SENSE," YOU KNOW.
'CAUSE I WAS BROUGHT UP
CATHOLIC, RIGHT, SO I HAVE A LOT
OF HATE.
AND--
[LAUGHTER]
MY PARENTS WERE CATHOLIC,
THEY WERE REALLY CATHOLIC,
YOU KNOW?
LIKE THEY ALMOST MOLESTED
SOMEBODY.
AND--
[LAUGHTER]
YEAH.
YEAH.
[APPLAUSE]
CAN'T GET MUCH MORE CATHOLIC
THAN THAT, YOU KNOW.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S HARDCORE, YOU KNOW.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
I MEAN, I'LL GO TO CHURCH ON
SUNDAY, BUT THAT'S WHERE I DRAW
THE LINE.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I WENT TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL
FOR 12 YEARS, YOU KNOW.
AND PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY TO ME,
THEY GO, "JIMMY, YOU WENT TO
CATHOLIC SCHOOL FOR 12 YEARS.
HOW COME YOU'RE NOT A CATHOLIC?"
SAY, "'CAUSE I WENT TO CATHOLIC
SCHOOL FOR 12 YEARS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I HAD IT BEATEN OUT OF ME BY
GOD'S LITTLE HELPERS."
[LAUGHTER]
YEAH.
I WAS TAUGHT BY THE NUNS.
BOY, THEY'RE A HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
BUNCH.
[LAUGHTER]
AND GET THIS, AT MY SCHOOL THEY
HAD THE RELIGIOUS TEACHERS,
RIGHT?
THEY HAD LIKE THE NUNS AND
STUFF.
AND THEY HAD THE NON-RELIGIOUS
TEACHERS, LIKE THE REGULAR
PEOPLE.
AND THEY MADE A LOT LESS MONEY
THAN THE PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHERS
DID, AND I KNOW THAT BECAUSE
THEY TOLD US EVERY DAMN DAY.
[LAUGHTER]
THEY'D BE LIKE "WE DON'T MAKE
AS MUCH MONEY AS THE PUBLIC
SCHOOL TEACHERS.
WE TEACH HERE BECAUSE WE ENJOY
THE DISCIPLINE THEY ALLOW US!"
[LAUGHTER]
AND I'M THINKIN', "HOLY CRAP,
I'M IN TROUBLE."
[LAUGHTER]
HERE IS SOMEONE WILLING TO TAKE
A CUT IN PAY...
[LAUGHTER]
SO THEY CAN HIT ME!"
HOW SICK IS THAT?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WHAT KIND OF AN INTERVIEW
WAS THAT LIKE?
"AH, WE CAN'T PAY YOU MUCH."
"CAN YA HIT 'EM?"
[LAUGHTER]
"AH, YEAH."
"HOW HARD?"
[LAUGHTER]
"HARD AS YOU WANT, JUST DON'T
BE ANGRY."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]