RodMan - Michael Jackson

  • Season 10 , Ep 4
  • 02/23/2006
  • Views: 20,773

Michael Jackson isn't jail-ready. (2:52)

'CAUSE THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY.

YEAH, 'CAUSE I FEEL CERTAIN PEOPLE GOT ISSUES AND PEOPLE GOT PROBLEMS,

'CAUSE PEOPLE ASK ME ALL THE TIME,

"WHERE DO YOU THINK MICHAEL JACKSON WENT WRONG?

AND I'LL BE LIKE, BEIN' BORN WAS HALF OF IT

RIGHT THERE, THAT'S, THAT WAS THE START.

BUT MICHAEL USED TO BE GOOD, YOU KNOW?

BUT MICHAEL LOST ITSOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY,

'CAUSE IN CALIFORNIA, THEY WERE WORRYIN' ABOUT THE TRIAL.

THEY WERE LIKE, "IS BLACK PEOPLE GONNA RIOT?"

AND WE'RE LIKE, "NO." 'CAUSE I WENT TO THE MEETING'S

AND WE WAS NOTGONNA DO NOTHIN' AT ALL.

YEAH, 'CAUSE WE DON'TCLAIM MICHAEL LIKE THAT.

MICHAEL LOST HIS CARD A LONG TIME AGO.

SO, YEAH, HE AIN'T GOT NO MEMBERSHIP AT ALL IN OUR--

'CAUSE WHITE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIM.

THEY'RE LIKE, "HEY, YOU'RE JUST IN THE MIDDLE," YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE MIKE LOST US WHEN HE LOST HIS NOSE, YOU KNOW?

THIS IS IMPORTANT. MIKE GOT A NOSE THAT AIN'T REGULATION.

IT AIN'T A REGULATION NOSE. 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T--

YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T GETTIN' THE PROPER AMOUNT OF OXYGEN

UP IN YA, YOU KNOW, TO SMELL, YOU KNOW,

THE BULL-[BLEEP] COMIN'. YOU KNOW, HE CAN'T REALLY--

YEAH, 'CAUSE IF HE HAD AREGULATION NOSE, HE WOULD KNOW--

HE'D BE LIKE,"WAIT A MINUTE.

"Y'ALL GOTTA GET THESE LITTLE KIDS AWAY FROM ME.

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I AM 46 YEARS OLD.

I CAN'T PLAY WITH THESE LITTLE 13 YEAR OLD BOYS."

SO HE COULD SMELLTHE BULL-[BLEEP] COMIN',THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'.

YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T WANT MICHAEL TO GO TO JAIL

'CAUSE HE AIN'T JAIL-READY, YOU KNOW.

YOU GOT-- YEAH, HE AIN'T DID A PUSH-UP OR NOTHIN'.

YOU CAN'T JUST GO IN JAIL LOOKIN' LIKE MIKE LOOKIN'.

YOU KNOW THEY WOULD PUT HIM IN A SALAD OR SOMETHIN'.

- SO THAT'S NOT GOOD. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW COME IN LET ME PUT MICHAEL IN THIS SALAD RIGHT HERE.

LOOKIN' LIKE A NICE CROUTON, YEAH.

BUT IT'S BEAUTIFUL.I SEE A LOT OF BEAUTIFULLADIES OUT HERE.

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING TO ALWAYS TO BE A BEAUTIFUL LADY

AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. THAT'S IMPORTANT.

LIKE HOW MANY BREAST MEN WE HAVE?

BREAST MEN? BREAST-- YEAH. LIKE THE BREAST?

YEAH. SEE I DON'T REALLY LIKE TO SAY BREAST.

YOU KNOW BREAST IS CHICKEN, I DON'T REALLY WANT A BREAST.

I-- YEAH, YOU MESS AROUND AND GET THE BIRD FLU.

YOU DON'T REALLY WANNA BE KISSIN' ON A BREAST. I LIKE A NICE TA-TA.

THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO CALL 'EM, A TA-TA.

BUT I LIKE A TA-TA THAT IS CONFIDENT

AND KNOW WHO IT IS AS A TA-TA, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE A TA-TA,

THEY'LL TRICK YOU INSIDE THE BRA, YOU KNOW.

'CAUSE THEY GOT GOOD BRAS NOW AND THEY LOOK SO CONFIDENT.

BUT THEN YOU POP THE BRA OFF

AND YOU FIND OUT THAT TA-TA GOT LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

YOU LIKE, "WELL, I BE DAMNED.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE LITTLE TA-TA?"

YOU TRY TO CHEER IT UP.YOU KNOW YOU BECOME LIKETIMMY AND LASSIE.

YOU KNOW, YOU LIKE "WHAT'S WRONG,

WHAT'S WRONG, LITTLE TA-TA? COME BACK, COME BACK!"

AND IT JUST FALL BACK DOWN. BE LIKE "I DON'T FEEL GOOD.

"I'VE HAD TWO KIDS. I DON'T HAVE TO STAND UP NO MORE.

I'VE SERVED MY TA-TA TIME."

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