Robert Kelly - Awful Sex

  • Season 12 , Ep 22
  • 04/03/2008
  • Views: 9,712

Robert used to be good at sex. (1:39)

IT'S JUST BAD.

I FEEL BAD FOR IT, TOO,'CAUSE WHEN WE FIRST MET,

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING--I WAS GOOD.

FIRST OF ALL, I HAD HAIR,GORGEOUS RINGLETS.

I USED TO GET A SCRUNCHYBEFORE WE HAD SEX AND PUT IT IN.

[LAUGHTER]

OH, I USED TO--I WAS SO GOOD AT SEX,I WAS SEXY AFTER SEX.

THAT'S HOW GOOD I WAS.AS SOON AS I WAS DONE,

I'D POP OFF ANDWALK AROUND LIKE A PANTHER.

I USED TO GET A SHEETAND MAKE A CAPE.

AND THEN I'D JUSTSTAND THERE AND STARE AT HER

LIKE I JUST CONQUEREDA SMALL ITALIAN VILLAGE.

I'D EAT CEREAL LIKECOOKIE CRISP OUT OF A VASE.

AND THEN I'D SHOW HER MY ASS.I'D JUST LEAN ON MY ASS CHEEK

'CAUSE THEY HADTHAT ASS DIMPLE-- ONE.

NOW I HAVE 87.AFTER SEX NOW IS SO DISGUSTING.

SOON AS WE'RE DONE,MY GIRL DISMOUNTS ME

LIKE SHE'S GETTING OFFA DIRTY BICYCLE. JUST--

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

AND THEN SHE LEAVES.

SHE JUST LEAVES THE ROOM.SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.

IT'S LIKE SHE JUST HAD SEXWITH A TRUCKER FOR GAS MONEY.

I'M LYING THERE.I GOT FLOP SWEAT.

I'M HYPERVENTILATING. "HONEY!"THEN SHE COMES BACK IN

AND CLEANS ME LIKE AWOUNDED ELEPHANT IN THE ZOO.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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