Russ Meneve - Animals

  • Season 9 , Ep 10
  • 04/07/2005
  • Views: 3,357

Are there people provoking shark attacks? (1:40)

YOU KNOW.

I WAS WATCHING A SHOW ON SHARK

ATTACKS EVER WATCH THESE SHARK

SHOWS?

OH, MY GOD THEY'RE GREAT.

THERE'S ALWAYS LIKE A SHARK

EXPERT IDIOT ON EVERY SHOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS GUY SAID?

THERE WERE 79 UNPROVOKED SHARK

ATTACKS LAST YEAR.

"UNPROVOKED."

DO WE NEED THAT WORD IN THERE?

ARE THERE PEOPLE PROVOKING SHARK

ATTACKS?

IS THERE SOME DICK FROM JERSEY

IN THE WATER, "HEY SHARK, YOUR

FREAKIN' LOOKIN' AT ME?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"YOU GOT A PROBLEM OR SOMETHING?

I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU TO BITE,

RIGHT HERE!"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

BUT YOU KNEW THESE ANIMALS

WOULD TURN ON US 'CAUSE WE'RE

EATING THEM, RIGHT?

LOOK AT THE LOBSTER, HE IS THE

TASTIEST ANIMAL AND HE HAS NO

LINE OF DEFENSE.

WHAT DOES HE HAVE THIS, THIS IS

RIGHT HERE?

"OH, LOOK OUT, I'M A BIG SCARY

LOBSTER, I CAN'T BE STOPPED!"

UNLESS OF COURSE YOU HAVE A

RUBBER BAND ON YOU!

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW YOU SUCK AS ANIMAL

WHEN YOU CAN BE SHUT DOWN WITH

OFFICE SUPPLIES, AM I RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

AND THE COW, THAT'S THE WORST

OF IT, RIGHT?

LOOK AT THE CHEESEBURGER.

NOT ONLY HAVE WE MADE HIM INTO

A SANDWICH BUT WE'VE USED HIS

OWN MILK AS A TOPPING.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH.

YEAH.

[APPLAUSE]

YOU EVER THINK WHAT MILK IS TO

THE COW?

THAT'S WHAT THEY FEED THEIR

BABIES, WE JUST DRINK IT WE

DON'T CARE.

SIR, IMAGINE COMING HOME FROM

WORK ONE NIGHT, YOU WALK IN

THE BEDROOM, TWO COWS ARE

HOLDING DOWN YOUR PREGNANT

WIFE AND SUCKING HER NIPPLES.

THE SECOND YOU GOT DONE BEATING

OFF, YOU'D SHOOT THOSE COWS,

RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MAYBE JUST A PERSONAL FANTASY

OF MINE MAYBE SO ANYWAY...

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