I've been in L.A. a lot.
I got invited to the worstOscar's party ever.
That reminds me, New York,let's all give
Al Gore a round of applausefor the awesome weather, huh?
(light applause and cheering)
I don't know what he's doing,but it's working.
Anybody see his movie lastsummer about global warming?
Was it good?
I was going to see it,
but the air conditioningwas broke in the theater.
I was like no (bleep) way.
But I did go to Iraq and do
a show at the Gotham Comedy Clubin Baghdad.
That was a rough crowd.
After the show,some guy was like,
"Oh, I laughed so hard,I stabbed my friend.
"I nearly Shiite my pants.
I dropped a Kurd, I swear."
It was scary.
My hotel room got hitwith a mortar.
At least that's what I told themwhen I checked out, screw it.
"Insurgents broke in and drankeverything in the minibar.
"They made some long distancephone calls
"and (bleep) off on the drapes.
"It was terrifying.
I'm not paying this bill."
I actually did a showfor the troops.
I brought along Drew Carey,because, you know,
troops love blondeswith big tits.
They even taught mean Iraqi knock-knock joke.
You want to hear it?
Roll your eyes, but you'llbe doing that (bleep)
at work on Monday.
Oh, eight billion a monthwe spend over there.
Eight billion a month.Imagine that?
At this point we shouldjust make it the 51st state.
Welcome to Iraqichussets.
Live free and die.
You're a fun crowd.
I do a lot of benefits.
Right after Hurricane Katrina,
the military invited meto go down to New Orleans
and do a showfor the relief workers.
Because I was rollingwith the military, you know,
I got to witness the devastationfrom the hurricane
with my own eyes.
And I got to tell you people...it wasn't that bad.