I live in a predominantlyPuerto Rican area of Brooklyn,
which is great.
I'm sorry, did I say great?I meant, so loud, so loud!
But living in a Puerto Ricanneighborhood has its benefits.
Uh, for example,I live near a girl
who constantly flirts with me.
This girl flirts with meon a daily basis,
which would be awesome if shewasn't 14 years old
and the cashier atthe grocery store I go to.
I don't know what this girl seesin this, but she wants it bad.
She's very aggressive.
Every time, literally, everytime I'm in the grocery store,
we go through the same banter.
You know, I'll give hermy groceries
and she'll be ringing them upand then she'll go like,
"Tsk. So, what's up, papi? Are you Spanish?"
And I'm like, "No, I'm Jewish."
And she's like, "Okay, well,does Jewish mean Spanish?"
And I'm like, "No, I told you,Jewish means Jewish."
And she's like, "I know whatJewish means.
I'm just playing with you!"
She's always playingwith me, is my point.
And it gets very confusing.
Like, I was just in there,like, a week ago.
I bought three items.I got chicken,
pasta, and pasta sauce.
She puts everything in my bag
and then looks up at melike a detective,
and she's like, "Tsk. So, whatyou making for dinner tonight?"
"Let me guess.
And I was like,"Ding-ding-ding-ding." (laughs)
Yep, yep,good old chicken pasta.
That's what I'm making 'causethat's what that's called.
And she's like,"Mmm, that sound good.
"So, tell me, papi, when youdone making that chicken pasta,
you gonna come back hereand give me some?"
And I was like, "No.
I don't want to seem rude;that just sounds
really weirdand inconvenient for me
to go home,cook myself chicken pasta,
which is what that's called,
and then only eat half of it,then put the other half
into a Tupperware container
and walk back hereto the grocery store
just so I can feed some
terrifyingly confident14-year-old girl.
Nah, that wasn't my plan.