Joe Mande - Chicken Pasta

Joe Mande Season 1, Ep 9 06/08/2012 Views: 18,097

Joe Mande lives near a girl who constantly flirts with him, but unfortunately, she's 14 years old. (2:27)

I live in a predominantlyPuerto Rican area of Brooklyn,

which is great.

I'm sorry, did I say great?I meant, so loud, so loud!

(laughs)So loud.

But living in a Puerto Ricanneighborhood has its benefits.

Uh, for example,I live near a girl

who constantly flirts with me.

This girl flirts with meon a daily basis,

which would be awesome if shewasn't 14 years old

and the cashier atthe grocery store I go to.

I don't know what this girl seesin this, but she wants it bad.

She's very aggressive.

Every time, literally, everytime I'm in the grocery store,

we go through the same banter.

You know, I'll give hermy groceries

and she'll be ringing them upand then she'll go like,

"Tsk. So, what's up, papi? Are you Spanish?"

And I'm like, "No, I'm Jewish."

And she's like, "Okay, well,does Jewish mean Spanish?"

And I'm like, "No, I told you,Jewish means Jewish."

And she's like, "I know whatJewish means.

I'm just playing with you!"

She's always playingwith me, is my point.

And it gets very confusing.

Like, I was just in there,like, a week ago.

I bought three items.I got chicken,

pasta, and pasta sauce.

That's it.

She puts everything in my bag

and then looks up at melike a detective,

and she's like, "Tsk. So, whatyou making for dinner tonight?"

"Let me guess.

Chicken pasta?"

And I was like,"Ding-ding-ding-ding." (laughs)

Yep, yep,good old chicken pasta.

That's what I'm making 'causethat's what that's called.


And she's like,"Mmm, that sound good.

"So, tell me, papi, when youdone making that chicken pasta,

you gonna come back hereand give me some?"

And I was like, "No.

I'm not."

I don't want to seem rude;that just sounds

really weirdand inconvenient for me

to go home,cook myself chicken pasta,

which is what that's called,

and then only eat half of it,then put the other half

into a Tupperware container

and walk back hereto the grocery store

just so I can feed some

terrifyingly confident14-year-old girl.

Nah, that wasn't my plan.