Carlos Alazraqui - Taco Bell Chihuahua

  • Season 8, Ep 10
  • 02/26/2004
  • Views: 5,232

Carlos helps his friends get laid with his impressions. (4:34)

Carlos Alazraqui: WHOO!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WHOO!

YOU WANT A LITTLE TASTE?

YOU WANT A LITTLE TASTE?

HERE, LIZARD, LIZARD.

WHOA!

WHOA!

THAT'S RIGHT, LADIES, THAT'S ME.

I WAS THE TACO BELL CHIHUAHUA.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

Audience Member: WHEW!

Carlos Alazraqui: THAT'S RIGHT,

LADIES.

I WAS THE TACO BELL

CHIHUAHUA, WHAT'S HAPPENED,

LADIES.

THAT'S ME, WHAT'S UP?

YO QUIERO TACO BELL.

YO QUIEROTACO BELL.

VIVA GORDITAS.

[LAUGHTER]

HERE, LIZARD.

THAT'S ME, LADIES.

HELLO.

YO QUIERO TU NUMERO TELEFONO.

THAT MEANS I WANT YOUR NUMBER.

WHAT'S UP, LADIES?

YEAH.

THAT'S ME.

YEAH, WHAT'S UP?

HOW PATHETIC AM I, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN?

HOW PATHETIC AM I THAT I CANNOT

LET IT GO?

I HOPE YOU DO NOT SEE ME IN A

BAR TONIGHT AFTER THE SHOW

GOING, "HI, HOW YOU DOING?

WHAT'S UP?

WHAT?

I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE I HAD IT ON

MY SHOULDER.

I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

WOW.

YEAH.

OH, I WAS THE TACO BELL DOG.

HOW YOU DOING?

[LAUGHTER]

I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.

YEAH.

WHAT'S UP?"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

SORRY, MAN, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS

HERE.

I HAD NO IDEA.

WHEW!

I GOTTA LET IT GO, YOU GUY'S.

I USED TO BE THE TACO BELL DOG

AND THAT WAS THREE YEARS AGO.

LET IT GO, YOU IDIOT.

I DON'T WANT TO BE 60 YEARS OLD

HANGING OUT IN A BAR WITH THE

OTHER FORMER COMMERCIAL VOICE

ACTOR GUYS.

WE'RE ALL IN OUR 60s, PATHETIC

AND DRUNK, ME AND CHARLIE

THE TUNA TRYING TO PICK UP

CHICKS.

"HEY, LADIES.

ONLY THE GOOD TASTING CHICKS

GET TO MAKE IT WITH CHARLIE."

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S FUN.

IT WAS FUN TO BE THE DOG.

PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME, "HEY, MAN,

DID YOU GET LAID USING THAT

VOICE?

I BET YOU GOT LAID A LOT."

YEAH, I USED TO WALK PAST

CONVENTS AND NUNS WOULD JUST

RIP OFF THEIR HABITS, "TAKE ME."

[LAUGHTER]

I NEVER GOT LAID USING THE

VOICE, I GOT MY FRIENDS LAID.

THEY WOULD USE ME AS AN

APHRODISIAC, "HEY, MAN, CAN YOU

DO THE VOICE?

I MET THIS CHICK.

SHE'S HOT.

YOU GOTTA DO THE VOICE SO I CAN

GET LAID.

I'D BE IN A BAR AND I'D WATCH

THAT LITTLE ONE ACT PLAY

CALLED "NO [BLEEP] WAY".

[LAUGHTER]

I'M MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS

LIKE-- THEY'RE LIKE OVER TO

THE SIDE AND THEN I CAN SEE

THE PLAY HAPPENING.

THE GUY IS TALKING TO THE GIRL

AND HE'S LIKE, "GET OVER THERE."

AND SHE'S LIKE "NO [BLEEP] WAY."

[LAUGHTER]

"YEAH."

"NO [BLEEP] WAY!"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

NOW, HERE SHE COMES.

CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA!

"HI, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

NICE TO SEE YOU."

SHE'S LIKE, "OH, MY GOD.

I JUST HEARD THE TACO BELL

VOICE.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU HAVE TO DO IT.

DO IT.

YOU HAVE TO DO IT.

DO IT.

DO IT!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HEY, MAN, YOU SHATTERED MY

CORNEA.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

"DO IT!

[SMASH]

AHHH!

[LAUGHTER]

I'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO BE NICE.

I'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO DO VOICES

FOR FRIENDS, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE

I'M A GOOD GUY.

MY FRIEND ONE TIME, HE'S TRYING

TO GET LAID.

MET THIS GIRL ACROSS THE

COUNTRY.

SHE HAD A NEPHEW THEY WANTED

TO TALK TO HULK HOGAN ON THE

HULK LINE.

IF THE KID DOESN'T TALK TO THE

HULK HE DON'T GET NO PUDDING.

[LAUGHTER]

I'LL CALL MY LOSER FRIEND

CARLOS AT HOME.

WATCHING SOME SPORTS PROGRAM.

[SOUND OF DIALING PHONE

AND PHONE RINGING]

"HI, WHAT'S UP?"

"HEY, MAN, I MET THIS CHICK.

SHE'S HOT, MAN.

YOU GOTTA TALKING TO HER

NEPHEW JUSTIN, MAN.

IF YOU COULD JUST DO THAT FOR ME

I'M IN, MAN, I'M IN."

"ALRIGHT, PUT JUSTIN ON THE

LINE."

AND I DID THE HULK FOR HIM

WHICH WAS COOL UNTIL 27 MINUTES

LATER WHEN THE KID DOESN'T KNOW

WHEN TO HANG UP.

[LAUGHTER]

I CAN'T DO THE HULK FOR 27

MINUTES.

THE HULK CAN'T DO THE HULK FOR

27 MINUTES.

IT'S ALWAYS A SOUND BYTE,

"I'M GONNA GET YOU, BROTHER!"

[LAUGHTER]

SO, AFTER 27 MINUTES I'M RUNNING

OUT OF STUFF TO SAY.

"ALRIGHT, JUSTIN, BROTHER.

HOLY [BLEEP], MAN, I'M TIRED.

ALRIGHT.

UH, BE A GOOD BOY.

BRUSH YOUR TEETH, JUSTIN.

[LAUGHTER]

STAY IN SCHOOL.

BUY LOW, SELL HIGH, GET OFF

THE PHONE!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SHOULDA CALLED ME NOW WHEN I

CAN DO BILLY CRYSTAL, IT WOULD

BE A LOT EASIER.

"HEY, KID, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M A TIRED, OLD JEW AND I DON'T

WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE,

ALRIGHT?

IF YOU KEEP TALKING THE

RADIATION FROM THE PHONE IS

GONNA GO INTO YOUR EYE AND

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE ONE EYE!

GET OF IT."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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