Collecting Leonard's Dowry

  • Season 2 , Ep 206
  • 07/28/2011
  • Views: 11,461

After Leonard insults the King and Queen's gift, Mark makes a play for Princess Beatrice. (2:31)

[doorbell ring]

[trumpet fanfare]

- PRESENTING MARK LILLY.ALL RISE.

- FAIR LADY MAGGOTBONE.

DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCESBEYOND MY CONTROL,

I FEAR OUR RELATIONSHIPMUST COME TO A CONCLUSION.

- WHAT DID I DO WRONG?I CAN LOSE WEIGHT!

GAIN WEIGHT!SEX CHANGE!

TELL ME!

- WHEN THE GODS OF LOVE CONSPIREAGAINST ONE'S UNABOUND DUTY,

MAN HATH NO CHOICE BUT TO--

- HE WANTS TO BANGLEONARD'S CHICK.

- HAVE YOU NO DISCRETION,SQUIRE?

YOU ARE SO FLOGGEDWHEN WE GET HOME.

- DUDE, MY MOMWANTS THAT SHIRT BACK

WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH IT.

- I HAVE TO WIN MARK BACK.

HE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, DOUG.

I'LL DIE WITHOUT HIM.

- END HER,

OR I END YOU.

[dramatic music]

[doorbell rings]

[trumpet fanfare]

- PRESENTINGRANDALL SKEFFINGTON,

LORD OF THE REBOUND.

- BEFORE WE MEET BEATRICE'SFAMILY, I SHOULD WARN YOU.

THEY'VE BEEN NEW YORK ROYALTYFOR CENTURIES.

THEY'RE KIND OF STUCKIN THEIR WAYS.

- 'TIS NOTHING NOBLERTHAN THE REGAL TRADITION OF--

- YEAH, YOU'LL BE FINE.

[whimsical music]

- PRESENTING LEONARD POWERS,HIGH WIZARD OF SOCIAL SERVICES,

HERE TO COLLECTYOUR FAIR DAUGHTER'S DOWRY.

- WAZZUP, BITCHES?

WHERE MY MONEY AT?

- BRING IN THE DOWRY.

- MY DOWRYIS DISCOUNT MATTRESSES?

OH, I KNEW I'D GET [bleep].

PEACE OUT.

YOW!

- [scoffs]

- I AM SORRY TO DISGRACETHE GOOD COURT.

THIS UNSEEMLY OUTBURSTBY MY LIEGE WILL NOT STAND.

- WHERE WOULD ONE FINDTHE WINCHERY?

- I HAVE TERRIBLE NEWS, MILADY.

YOU ARE ABOUT TO MARRY A CAD.

- [gurgling and bubbling]

- MY GOD.

YOUR SIREN SONGIS IRRESISTIBLE.

I CAN'T STOP MYSELF ANYMORE!

OH, LADY BEATRICE,

IF ONLY I COULD STEAL YOUR HANDFROM THAT DASTARDLY HEATHEN.

CURSE THIS FATE OF OURS!

RIGHT?

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