Tony Rock - Weed Debates

  • Season 14, Ep 1
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 14,860

When Batman's not Batman, he's billionaire Bruce Wayne. When Superman's not Superman, he's regular Clark Kent. (3:33)

MY BOYS,THEY SMOKE WEED ALL THE TIME.

THEY COME TO MY HOUSE 'CAUSETHEY HAVE GIRLFRIENDS AND WIVES

THAT WON'T LET THEM SMOKEAT HOME.

SO THEY COME TO MY HOUSE.

MY HOUSE IS THE DESIGNATEDWEED-SMOKING HOUSE.

SO THEY ALWAYS COME OVER

AND GET INTO THESE DEEP,PHILOSOPHICAL WEED DEBATES.

LIKE, THEY THINK IT'S DEEP,'CAUSE THEY HIGH.

THEY'RE SITTING AND SMOKINGLIKE, "I GOT A GOOD ONE.

I GOT A GOOD ONE."

[ INHALES ]

"CHECK THIS OUT.CHECK THIS OUT.

"IF YOU COULD BE BATMAN[CHUCKLES]

OR SUPERMAN,WHICH ONE WOULD YOU BE?"

"THAT'S DEEP."

"I'M-A GO WITH SUPERMAN, MAN."

I WAS LIKE, "NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

"I THINK I'M GONNA GOWITH BATMAN ON THAT ONE.

I'M-A GO WITH BATMAN."YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE WHEN BATMAN'S NOT BATMAN,HE'S BILLIONAIRE BRUCE WAYNE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

AND WHEN SUPERMAN'SNOT SUPERMAN,

HE'S REGULAR-ASS CLARK KENT.

WHEN BATMAN NOT BATMAN,HE DAMN NEAR PUFF DADDY.

AND EVERYWHERE HE GOES,HE'S INTRODUCED AS SUCH.

"HAVE YOU MET BILLIONAIREBRUCE WAYNE?"

EVEN IF YOU DON'T CATCH --"I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR LAST NAME."

"DID YOU HEAR THE FIRST PART?"

I THOUGHT ABOUT IT.I GAVE IT SOME THOUGHT.

I GAVE IT A LOT OF THOUGHT.YOU KNOW WHAT I REALIZED?

SUPERMAN COULD ONLY BEA WHITE GUY.

HE COULD ONLY BE A WHITE GUY.

ONLY BE A WHITE GUY.

'CAUSE WHAT BLACK DUDEIS GONNA KEEP SUPERPOWERS

A SECRET AT WORK?

IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

HE IN THE BREAK ROOMWITH HIS BOYS, LIKE,

"YO, CHECK THIS OUT.CHECK THIS OUT.

"I KNOW IT DON'T LOOK LIKE ITRIGHT NOW...

"BUT I'M TELLING YOU...

I'M SUPERMAN."

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

BLACK GIRLS ALREADY THINK THEYBOYFRIENDS ARE SUPERHEROES.

BLACK GIRLS ALREADY THINK THEIRBOYFRIENDS ARE SUPERHEROES.

YOU EVER SEE HOW FEARLESSA BLACK GIRL IS

WHEN HER BOYFRIEND IS AROUND?

"WHAT, YOU THINK YOU BAD'CAUSE YOU 6'10", 300 POUNDS?

GET HIM, BABY."

"BABE, LET'S JUSTRUN TOGETHER, OKAY?"

THAT'S WHY SUPERMANNEVER FOUGHT A BLACK VILLAIN.

NEVER CATCH HIM.NEVER CATCH HIM.

ALL HIS SUPERPOWERS,WE GOT THE SAME STUFF.

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET.REALLY?

LET SOMEBODY START SHOOTINGIN HERE RIGHT NOW,

AND I'LL BET YOUI GET OUT FIRST.

NEVER FOUGHT NO BLACK VILLAIN.

WHAT'S HIS WEAKNESS?WHAT'S SUPERMAN'S WEAKNESS?

CAN'T SEE THROUGH LEAD.

COME TO THE HOOD.

ALL THAT LEAD-BASED PAINTIN THE PROJECTS,

HE'D NEVER FIND NOBODY.

ALL THE LITTLE KIDSEATING THE PAINT CHIPS,

THEY WALKING AROUND INVISIBLE.

SUPERMAN HAVE A HARD DAYIN THE GHETTO.

THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

WE ALL SUPERHEROES.

WE ALL FASTERTHAN SPEEDING BULLETS.

WE ALL ABLE TO LEAP.

WE JUST HAVEN'T MASTEREDFLYING YET.

WE JUST HAVEN'T MASTEREDFLYING YET.

THAT'S WHY WHENEVER YOU DRIVETHROUGH THE GHETTO,

YOU ALWAYS SEE SNEAKERS CAUGHTUP IN THE TELEPHONE WIRES.

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SOME BROTHER DANGLING.

SOMEBODY LIKE, "WHO TOLD HIMHE COULD DO THAT?"

HERE COMES ALCOHOL MAN.

BOOP! "I DON'T KNOW WHO TOLD HIMHE COULD DO THAT."

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