Russell Brand - Meeting Britney Spears

Russell Brand in New York City Season 1, Ep 101 03/08/2009 Views: 158,696

As an indirect result of showing concern for Britney Spears's feelings, Russell Brand gets to meet an elephant. (3:35)

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I ALLOWED MESELF

TO, UH, BE SEDUCED INTO HOSTINGTHE MTV VMA AWARDS.

[cheers and applause]

WELL THANKS, BUT I WISH YOU'DBEEN THERE ON THE NIGHT.

I COULD'VE DONE WITH YOU.

IT WERE QUIET IN THERE.

INTELLIGENTLY, MTV TRIEDTO ALIGN ME

TO EXISTING AMERICANCELEBRITIES TO MAKE ME

SEEM MORE AUTHENTICATED.

SO I DID, LIKE, SOME PROMOTIONALWORK WITH AMERICAN STARS.

LIKE THE UBERFAMOUSBRITNEY SPEARS.

WHOO!YES.

DIFFICULT THOUGH--THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

IT'S DIFFICULT TO MEET SOMEONE

WHEN YOU'VEALREADY SEEN THEIR VAGINA.

[laughter]

[applause]

WHERE DO YOU GO?

"HELLO.OH, AND YOU, AS WELL."

[laughter]

AND I'M LOVELY TO HER, 'CAUSESHE'S A LOVELY, LOVELY WOMAN.

DEAD SWEET.

BUT THE PROMOTIONAL CAMPAIGNWAS FLAWED

IN THAT THEY DECIDEDTO PROMOTE ME AS ALL "EDGY."

"OOH, I'M EDGY."

BUT I DON'T WANT TO SAYANYTHING OFFENSIVE TO HER,

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURTHER FEELINGS.

BUT HOW CAN I BE ALL EDGYAND NOT MENTION ALL THE THINGS

THAT HAPPENED TO HERTHAT YEAR?

BUT I CAN'T MENTION--I CAN'T GO--

'CAUSE ALL YOU WANTTO SAY--

IF YOU'RE IN A ROOM WITHBRITNEY SPEARS, YOU WANT TO GO,

"WHAT'D YOU SHAVE YOUR HEAD FOR,LOVE?

"WHAT'D YOU SHAVE YOUR HEAD FOR?WHY, WHAT WAS YOU THINKING?

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING,WAS IT A STATEMENT?

WHAT'S GOING ON?TELL US."

BUT YOU DON'T SAY NOTHINGLIKE THAT

'CAUSE IT MIGHT UPSET HER.

AND SHE'S ALL LOVELY,AND A HUMAN BEING, AND A PERSON.

SO I WAS EXPLAINING TOTHE MTV PROMOTIONAL EXECUTIVES

THAT IT WOULD BE A BIT DIFFICULTFOR ME.

I SAID, "YOU KNOW, COME ON.

"IT'S GOING TO BE A BITDIFFICULT LIKE, NOT BEING ABLE

"TO MENTION ALL THOSE THINGSTHAT HAVE HAPPENED TO BRITNEY.

"DON'T YOU THINK THERE'S GOINGTO BE A LITTLE BIT

OF AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM?"

RIGHT?

AND AN MTV EXECUTIVE,TO HIS ETERNAL CREDIT, SAID,

[as businessman]"WHAT IF THERE WAS LITERALLYAN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM?"

[cheers and applause]

[as himself]"WHAT, LIKE--WHAT,A REAL ELEPHANT?"

[as businessman]"WELL, YEAH, SURE."

[as himself]"WHAT, YOU KNOWWHERE TO GET AN ELEPHANT?"

[as businessman]"I CAN LOCATE AN ELEPHANT."

[as himself]"SO I'M GOING TO MEETAN ELEPHANT?"

[as businessman]"ABSOLUTELY."

IT WAS AT THAT POINT THAT ISTOPPED THINKING LIKE AN ADULT.

THERE'S GOINGTO BE AN ELEPHANT HERE?!

[laughter]

CAN I TOUCH IT?CAN I KISS HIM?

CAN I TOUCH HIM ON THE TRUNK?

DO THEY REALLY NEVER FORGET?

[cheers and applause]

YEAH, SO AN ELEPHANT.

THEY GOT AN ACTUAL ELEPHANT.AND IT WAS EXCITING.

BECAUSE, LIKE--RIGHT,BRITNEY SPEARS, SHE'S THERE,

BUT THERE'S AN ELEPHANT THERE.

AND I'VE MET LOADS OF POP STARSIN MY LIFE.

I AIN'T EVER MET AN ELEPHANTBEFORE.

[laughter]

AND I SORT OF LOOKEDINTO ITS TIMELESS EYES,

LIKE CORRIDORS INTO PRE-HISTORY.

SOMEHOW UNJUDGMENTAL,BUT KNOWING ALL.

AN INNOCENCE, A POIGNANCY,A BEAUTY.

SOMEHOW, ALL CAN BE RESOLVEDAND ABSOLVED WITHIN THEM EYES.

BY THE WAY, A GIRL ELEPHANT,RIGHT?

AND AT ONE BIT IT SORT OF WENT,AS THEY DO IN CARTOONS,

"UUUGH!"

LIKE THAT.AND I SAW ITS VAGINA.

[laughter]

BIG ELEPHANT VAGINA, JUST THERE.

AND THEN IT'S, LIKE,BRITNEY OVER THERE.

AND IT'S ALL...

"CAN ANYBODY IN THIS ROOM

BE DISCREETABOUT THEIR VAGINAS?"