Steve McGrew - All Gut, No Butt

  • Season 9 , Ep 1
  • 09/24/2004
  • Views: 9,731

If you can't fix something with duct tape, then it's broke. (2:17)

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW FROM

MY DAD ABOUT HOW TO BE A MAN.

I LEARNED IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT

WITH DUCT TAPE, PLLLT, IT'S

BROKE!

[LAUGHTER]

I GREW UP ON A FARM IN OKLAHOMA.

THERE WAS DUCT TAPE ON

EVERYTHING WE OWNED.

"DADDY, WINDSHIELD'S FALLING

OUTTA YOUR TRUCK."

[TAPE RIPPING] "I GOT IT."

[LAUGHTER]

"IT'S STILL LEAKING."

[TAPE RIPPING] "NOT AFTER THIS

ONE."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

AND I'M GLAD I GOT A BOY,

ANYBODY'S GOT A DAUGHTER,

THANKS FOR ACCEPTING YOUR

MISSION AND GOOD LUCK.

[LAUGHTER]

I NEVER WANTED ANY BAGGY PANTS

LITTLE KID EVER COMING TO MY

HOUSE, "I'M HERE FOR YOUR

DAUGHTER."

[LAUGHTER]

"IF YOU'RE TAKING OUT MY BABY,

THEN YOU DON'T NEED THIS THAN

DO YOU?"

[LAUGHTER]

"YOU ASK FOR IT AND YOU BRING

HER HOME, I'LL DUCT TAPE IT BACK

ON FOR YA."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I JUST SAW MY PARENTS AGAIN.

MY DAD'S A TRUCK DRIVER,

DRIVES AN 18-WHEELER.

YOU KNOW THOSE GUYS, BIG GUT,

NOT BUTT?

THAT'S MY DAD.

LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY KICKED HIS

ASS UP INTO HIS STOMACH.

[LAUGHTER]

HE'S GOTTEN SO BIG HE'S GOT

A ROBE THAT DOESN'T CLOSE BUT

HE TIES IT ANYWAY.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

BOX OF UNDERWEAR THAT STICKS...

I DON'T KNOW WHY GUYS EVEN WEAR

BOXER UNDERWEAR.

THAT'S NOT EVEN UNDERWEAR.

THAT'S A PIECE OF CLOTH THAT

HIDES YOUR BALLS WHILE THEY

SLAP THE INSIDE OF YOUR LEG.

[LAUGHTER]

MAN, HE BE COMING RIGHT AT YOU,

THAT THING BE OPENING AND

CLOSING LIKE A BASS' MOUTH.

BAA-BAA-BAA-BAA!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN YOU DAD'S

PENIS?

AGGGHHH!

I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE IT I WAS

EATIN' BREAKFAST.

HE WAS COMING RIGHT AT ME,

"GOOD MORNING BOY!"

[LAUGHTER]

"MOM, I DON'T WANT ANY SAUSAGE

THIS MORNING."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I WENT OVER TO VISIT THE OTHER

DAY THEY WERE WATCHING TV.

THEY WERE WATCHING HBO'S,

REAL SEX.

OH, MAN.

I KNEW MY PARENTS HAD SEX, I

JUST DIDN'T KNOW THEY LIKED IT.

I WAS GOING TO CHANGE THE

CHANNEL SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO

WATCH IT WITH THEM.

MY DAD'S LIKE, "HEY, HEY, HEY!

YOUR MOM AND I LIKE THIS SHOW."

[LAUGHTER]

[RETCHING SOUND]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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