Iliza Shlesinger - Save the Polar Bears

Michael Che, Iliza Shlesinger, Hari Kondabolu, Michael Ian Black Season 3, Ep 5 08/17/2012 Views: 44,976

Iliza Shlesinger is bothered by an advertisement's low production value. (1:49)

It's like the same footagethey've been using since,

like, 1992 and they show thearctic landscape and there's

the polar bear and oh... alwayswalking very slowly like it's

your fault.


"Oh, why is itwalking slow?

"Is it 'cause youdidn't donate money?"

No, it's walking slow 'causeit's a [bleep] bear.

Where's it got to run to, ameeting?

It has nothing to do.

And then they show the mombear with the babies.

Oh, the babies!

Just... come on,come on! [MIMICS GROWLING]

Always the mama bear. Singlefamily, single parent.

She's a m... she's allalone. Where's the dad?

There is no dad, she's alesbian!

Look at her, she's a two-tonbear!

Who will have her? No one.

And then they always show theone bear on an iceberg

floating by himself as ifit's your fault,

directly your fault the icecap's melting.

He's just sitting therelike...

"Hey, guy! I can't swim."


And then, so you'rewatching all this and

then the voice kicks in,the donate money voice,

the somber voice.

"If you do nothing,two-thirds of all polar bears

will die in the next 50 years."

And every time I hear that, Ithink to myself,

yeah, statistically, that worksout.

50 years, how long isa polar bear supposed

to [bleep] live?

Let's not get greedy. 50 years?

Some people don't make it to50.

You don't want your polarbears getting past 50,

trust me.

A polar bear gets past 50,they start collecting

social security, they start...

I don't know, they startcommunicating with each other.

They'll begin using simplemachines.

They'll start colonizing,mostly 'cause they're white.

That's gonna happen.