Demetri Martin - Brick Wall

  • Season 8 , Ep 15
  • 03/18/2004
  • Views: 71,359

Demetri Martin sets a more comedy club-like tone. (3:11)

I CAN'T REALLY DO IN THIS

SETTING.

THEY WOULD WORK BETTER IN A

COMEDY CLUB, SO I JUST WANNA

TRY JUST A FEW OF 'EM.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I THINK THAT WHEN YOU GET

DRESSED IN THE MORNING,

SOMETIMES YOU'RE REALLY MAKING

A DECISION ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOR

FOR THE DAY.

LIKE IF YOU PUT ON FLIP-FLOPS,

YOU'RE SAYING, "HOPE I DON'T

GET CHASED TODAY."

BE NICE TO PEOPLE IN SNEAKERS.

WHENEVER I TRY TO SPELL BANANA,

IT MAKES ME FEEL STUPID, BECAUSE

I DON'T KNOW WHEN TO END IT.

I'M LIKE HOW MANY NA'S ARE ON

THIS THING?

BANA.

KEEP GOING.

BANANA.

DAMN.

[LAUGHTER]

A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE

BUMPER STICKERS.

I DON'T MIND BUMPER STICKER.

TO ME, A BUMPER STICKER IS A

SHORTCUT.

IT'S LIKE A LITTLE SIGN THAT

SAYS, "HEY, LET'S NEVER HANG

OUT."

[LAUGHTER]

LET'S GET BACK TO MY DRAWING.

OKAY, BACK TO THIS SHOW.

I LIKE FRUIT BASKETS, BECAUSE

A FRUIT BASKET ENABLES YOU TO

MAIL SOMEBODY FRUIT WITHOUT

APPEARING INSANE.

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU JUST MAIL SOMEBODY SOME

APPLES, THEY'RE LIKE "WHAT THE

HELL IS THIS?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT IF YOU PUT THOSE APPLES

IN A BASKET, THEY'RE LIKE,

"THIS IS NICE."

[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]

MY FAVORITE FRUIT IS GRAPES.

YEAH, GRAPES BECAUSE WITH

GRAPES, YOU ALWAYS GET ANOTHER

CHANCE.

YOU KNOW LIKE IF YOU HAVE A

CRAPPY APPLE OR A PEACH,

YOU'RE STUCK WITH THAT CRAPPY

PIECE OF FRUIT.

BUT IF YOU HAVE A CRAPPY

GRAPE, NO PROBLEM, JUST MOVE

ONTO THE NEXT.

GRAPES, THE FRUIT OF HOPE.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU ALWAYS HEAR ABOUT THE GUY

WHO WAS RAISED BY WOLVES.

BUT YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT THE

NEXT GENERATION, THE GUY WHO WAS

RAISED BY THE GUY WHO WAS RAISED

BY WOLVES.

THAT'S PROBABLY EVEN HARDER.

YOU HAVE A NON-WOLF GIVING

WOLF TEACHINGS.

DAD, STOP SNIFFING MY ASS.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU'RE GOING TO MISS THE BUS.

I USE THIS PRODUCT CALLED

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT

BUTTER," BECAUSE SOMETIMES WHEN

I'M HAVING TOAST, I LIKE TO BE

INCREDULOUS.

HOW WAS BREAKFAST?

UNBELIEVABLE.

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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