Anthony Griffith - L.A. Riots

Anthony Griffith & Wayne Federman Season 1, Ep 0160 02/24/1992 Views: 2,512

A sale is a sale. (2:33)

HAVEN'T BEEN HERE SINCE,ACTUALLY THE RIOT, MYSELF.

I WASN'T HERE FOR THE RIOT.

MY WIFE WAS, AND SHE CALLED ME:

"TONY, THEY'RE BURNINGAND STEALING EVERYTHING.

I'M AFRAID TO GO OUT."

I'M, LIKE, "JUST REMAIN CALM.

"IF YOU HAVE TO GO OUT,PLEASE BE CAREFUL

AND IF YOU CAN, GET ME A TV."

A SALE IS A SALE.

SOME LOOTERS WERE PICKYABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

I SAW ONE GUY BREAK INTOA SHOE STORE

AND HAD THE NERVETO TRY ON THE SHOES FIRST.

BROTHER LOOKINGIN THE MIRROR LIKE THIS.

IS THIS ME, MAN?

YOU HAD EVERYBODYSTEALING SOMETHING--

BLACK, WHITE, HISPANIC, JEW.

I EVEN SAW A KOREAN GUYWITH A FAKE AFRO WIG ON...

ROBBING HIS OWN STORE.

( laughter )

DIDN'T EVEN HAVETHE RIGHT HAIR COLOR.

HAD THAT MULTICOLORED WIG.

LOOKED LIKE A PSYCHEDELICLINK FROM MOD SQUAD.

BUT ALL POLICE AREN'T BAD.

I WAS ARRESTED FORATTEMPTED MURDER IN CALIFORNIA.

I WAS WORKING OUTAT A HEALTH SPA

AND I WAS IN THE PROCESS

OF TAKING OFFMY GYM SHOES AND SOCKS

AND THE POLICE CAME UP TO ME

AND SAID, "YOU'RE UNDER ARRESTFOR ATTEMPTED MURDER"

AND I JUST STARTED LAUGHING.

I WAS, "OFFICER,I KNOW MY SOCKS STINK

BUT THEY DON'T SMELL THAT BAD."

MY FATHER USED TO TELL ME

"ONE DAY YOUR GYM SOCKSARE GOING TO KILL SOMEBODY."

I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE DAY.

THEY TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITALTO BE IDENTIFIED BY THE VICTIM

BUT I SAWTHE VICTIM WAS DELIRIOUS.

HE JUST LOOKED UP AT MEAND STARTED SAYING

"MAMA? MAMA, IS THAT YOU?"

AND I PLAYED RIGHT ALONG:"YEAH, IT'S ME, BABY."

( laughter )

I WASN'T GOING TO JAIL, MAN,NOT AS SKINNY AS I AM.

NOPE, IT'S NICE TO BE LOVED,BUT... YOU KNOW.

NOW THEY HAND OUT CONDOMSTO INMATES IN PRISON

WHICH I FAIL TO UNDERSTAND.

MAYBE I'M NAIVE

BUT I DON'T THINK AN INMATETRYING TO MAKE LOVE TO ME

WOULD BE THAT CONCERNEDABOUT SAFE SEX.

I CAN'T PICTURESOMEONE ON TOP OF ME GOING

"DON'T WORRY, BROTHER,I'M WEARING A CONDOM."

"OH, WELL, AT LEASTYOU'RE SHOWING ME YOU CARE."

AM I SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY?

"OH, IN THAT CASE."

( laughter )

THAT'S CRAZY.

YOU GOT TO BUY ME DINNER FIRST.