Uncensored - Nick Kroll - Explaining Michael Jackson Pt. 1

01/29/11 Views: 2,734

Nick Kroll imagines explaining the bizarre life of Michael Jackson to his future son. (2:06)

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I WANNA HAVE KIDS ONE DAY.

AND BESIDES THE FACTTHAT HAVING A CHILD

MEANS THAT YOU'RE CONSTANTLYSAVING SOMETHING'S LIFE,

WHAT KIND OF SCARES ME

IS THAT I'M GONNA HAVE TOEXPLAIN CERTAIN THINGS TO HIM,

LIKE HOW THE HOLOCAUSTHAPPENED

OR, LIKE, WHAT 9/11 WAS

OR WHO EXACTLYMICHAEL JACKSON WAS.

AND BEFORE YOU GET YOUR PANTIESALL IN A BUNCH ABOUT IT,

LET'S JUST REMEMBERTHAT BEFORE MICHAEL DIED,

ALL WE DID WASMAKE FUN OF HIM.

AND JUST BECAUSE HE'S DEAD

DOES NOT MEANHE WASN'T HILARIOUS.

SO CAN WE ALL GET ON BOARDWITH THIS?

WONDERFUL.[cheers and applause]

SO I'M GONNA HAVE A KID,AND THE KID'S GONNA BE LIKE,

"DADDY,WHO WAS MICHAEL JACKSON?"

BE LIKE, "OH, HE WASTHIS AMAZING MUSICIAN

AND DANCER AND SINGER."

"WELL, WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE?"

"UH..."

"WELL, WHEN HE WASA LITTLE BOY,

"HE WAS THIS REALLY HANDSOMELITTLE BLACK KID

WITH VERY KIND EYESAND A VERY SWEET SMILE."

"WHAT ABOUT IN HIS TWENTIES?"

"IN HIS TWENTIES,

MICHAEL LOOKED KIND OF LIKETHE JAZZY LIZARD KING."

"WHAT ABOUTWHEN HE WAS OLDER?

YOU CAN GIVE MEVARIOUS EXAMPLES."

"THAT'S FUCKING COOL OF YOU.

IS IT WEIRDTHAT I SWEAR IN FRONT OF YOU?"

"I ONLY SEE YOU,LIKE, ONCE A MONTH."

"IT'S 'CAUSE YOUR MOM'SA BITCH."

"WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE?"

"ALL RIGHT, UM...

"HE LOOKED KIND OF LIKE A...

LIKE A SQUIRREL SKELETONWITH FRIGHTENED EYES."

"DID HE HAVE ANY FRIENDS?"

"YEAH, HE WAS GOOD FRIENDSWITH A MONKEY FOR A WHILE."

"THAT SEEMSLIKE A RED FLAG."

"I KNOW,WE DIDN'T SEE IT.

"I DON'T KNOWWHAT TO TELL YOU.

"WE DIDN'T SEE IT.

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