Lisa Landry - Lady of Lost Hope

  • Season 11, Ep 8
  • 02/01/2007
  • Views: 14,445

Lisa went to the slutty girls' Catholic high school. (2:52)

THAT'S WHAT WE DO. ARE YOU CATHOLIC?

IS THAT WHY YOU'RE GIGGLING? NO?

SHE'S LIKE, "DON'T CALL ME A SLUT, CHUCKLE BITCH."

CATHOLIC GIRLS HAVE THAT REPUTATION, LIKE WE'RE ALL EASY.

YOU KNOW WHY? EVERY TOWN'S GOT TWO CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOLS.

THEY HAVE A GOOD, LADYLIKE SCHOOL.

THAT'S THE ALL GIRLS SCHOOL, WHERE ALL THE GOOD GIRLS GO.

AND THEN THEY HAVE THAT BAD, SLUTTY GIRLS SCHOOL,

WHERE ALL THE BAD SLUTTY GIRLS GO, YEAH.

I WENT TO ARCHBISHOP RANKS.

WE HAD 300 GIRLS IN MY HIGH SCHOOL.

WE HAD ONE VIRGIN, ONE. SHE WAS OUT ON THE FRONT LAWN.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

- SHE WAS OUR LADY OF LOST HOPE. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I GOT TWO THINGS FROM CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT?

I GOT A DISCIPLINE FETISH AND ANOBSESSION FOR THE JEWISH BOYS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LOVE THE JEWISH BOYS. I CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

- I SEE A YARMULKE. I GET MOIST.- [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

OOH!

THOSE BOYS ARE HOT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES]

MY HUSBAND IS JEWISH.

I KNOW, A CATHOLIC AND A JEW. OUR KIDS ARE GONNA BE CASHJEWS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE GOT MARRIED BY A RABBI, SO I HAVE A HEBREW NAME.

DO YOU HAVE A HEBREW NAME, SKINNY GIRL? NO? I DO-- HA!

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S A PRETTY NAME. IT'S NOT, LIKE, TRADITIONAL OR ANYTHING, BUT I LIKE IT.

- IT'S, ALANNOYA. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MY MOTHER-IN-LAWPICKED IT OUT.

I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS GONNA HAVE A JEWISH HUSBAND

'CAUSE OF MY VERY FIRST CRUSH. 'CAUSE IT'S 300 GIRLS,

ALL DAY LONG, THAT'S ALL I GET TO LOOK ATIN HIGH SCHOOL,

JUST ME AND A BUNCH OF GIRLS. ONLY ONE MAN IN MY LIFE,

THE GUY UP ON THE WALL. HE'S CUT.

HE'S GOT THAT ROCK STAR HAIR. HE'S ALL SENSITIVE

AND DEEP AND SPIRITUAL.HE'S SEXY. I'D NAIL HIM.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I LIKE BEING CATHOLIC. IT'S A COOL RELIGION, COMPARATIVELY.

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