Mike Vecchione - Weapon of Choice

Mike Vecchione Season 15, Ep 12 03/04/2011 Views: 9,611

Tasering people at the Renaissance Fair makes Mike Vecchione feel like an evil wizard from the future. (1:30)

I get one free with everyten haircuts that I get

that look like this.

I have aStaten Island cop look.

My favorite placeto taser people?

The renaissance fair--The renaissance fair.

Yeah, 'cause it makes mefeel like an evil wizard

from the future.

I feel so eviland wizardly.


I love this crowd--oh, I love this crowd.

I travel a lot--This is a cool job.

I stay in a lotof hotels.

Could I be a littleadult with you?

You seem like good people--Can I be a little adult?

A lot of times,in these hotels,

They don't have the appropriatemasturbatory lotion.

It's a health issue--It's a health issue.

And it's a rookie mistake,guys, to run into the bathroom

and rub one outwith the hotel soap,

because it's cheap, and itcreeps into your pee hole,

and then it feels likeyou have chlamydia

for the rest of the day--It really does.

It's a health issue--It's a health issue.

FYI, what do we use, Mike--I'll tell ya, right now.

I hate to go"Jersey Shore" on you.

I hate to fist pumpsituation "Jersey Shore" you.

You know what I use--Mousse, mousse.

It looks fantasticin my hair,

and it's a terrificlubricant.

And the residual, fellas,drips down into your pubes,

styling them.

So, at the end of it,your penis looks like

"America's Next Top Model."

It looks like something thatcould be judged by Tyra Banks.