Wanda Sykes - Blue Chip

Season 1 , Ep 101 01/09/03 Views: 9,635

When the economy started tanking, Wanda Sykes called her broker and told him to invest her money in a surefire stock. (3:45)

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WANDA SYKES>> NOBODY LIKES

TO ADMIT THEIR MISTAKES, MAN.

NOBODY.

THEN WE FIND ALL THESE ENRON

GUYS, ALL THESE CEO'S ROBBING

EVERYBODY BLIND, MAN.

YOU KNOW, I TELL YOU, THAT STOCK

MARKET, BOY.

THAT'S WHY I GOT OUT.

I GOT OUT THE MARKET.

I CALLED MY BROKER.

I WAS LIKE, "HEY, PUT ALL MY

MONEY IN WEED."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

PRICE OF WEED NEVER GOES DOWN.

THAT'S A REAL BLUE CHIP RIGHT

THERE.

(LAUGHTER)

THESE CEO'S MAN, THEY JUST

ROBBIN' PEOPLE, BOY.

I HOPE THEY GET A LOT OF

JAIL TIME, TOO.

BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY

GET IN COURT, EITHER THEY PLEAD

THE FIFTH OR THEY GO, "I DON'T

RECALL."

AND THAT'S ACCEPTABLE.

THEY GET AWAY WITH THAT.

I MEAN, THAT SHOULDN'T BE

ACCEPTABLE.

YOU KNOW, YOU ASK ANY WOMAN IN

HERE, YOUR MAN COMES HOME,

AND YOU BEEN LIKE, "EH, YOU BEEN

CHEATIN' ON ME," AND HE GOES,

"I DON'T RECALL."

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW, AND THEN CONFERS WITH

HIS BUDDY.

"ONE MOMENT."

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

"NO COMMENT."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

SHOOT.

YOU GONNA WHIP HIS ASS 'TIL HE

GETS HIS MEMORY BACK.

PUT UP WITH THAT.

BUT THESE CEO'S, MAN,

THEY RUTHLESS, BOY.

YOU KNOW THEY AFFECTED LIKE

MILLIONS OF LIVES.

THEY HAD PEOPLE OUT THERE,

THOUGHT THEY WAS GONNA BE ABLE

TO RETIRE IN FOUR YEARS,

AND THEN, THEY GOTTA WORK

40 MORE YEARS.

YOU KNOW, THEN YOU GOT PEOPLE

WHO WERE RETIRED, AND THEY GOTTA

GET BACK INTO THE WORKFORCE.

YOU KNOW, WE ALL GONNA FEEL IT.

YOU GONNA BE OUT THERE,

RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC, SOME 80 YEAR

OLD DUDE IN THE CARPOOL LANE,

JUST MESSIN' TRAFFIC UP.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YOU BASTARDS!

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE FISHING!

BUT THESE CEO'S, MAN, THEY--

I MEAN, YOU BE THAT RUTHLESS,

YOU A SCARY DUDE, MAN.

I TELL YOU NOW, SHOOT, I WALK

PAST A LITTLE GANG-BANGER,

I DON'T EVEN BLINK.

BUT IF I SEE A WHITE DUDE WITH A

WALL STREET JOURNAL, I HAUL ASS.

SHOOT.

BEFORE I WALK PAST THE ARTHUR

ANDERSEN BUILDING, I CUT THROUGH

THE PROJECTS.

(LAUGHTER)

CUTTIN' THROUGH THE PROJECTS,

YOU MIGHT JUST LOSE WHAT YOU

HAVE ON YOU THAT DAY.

I AIN'T NEVER BEEN MUGGED OF MY

FUTURE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

MARTHA STEWART.

NOW, SHE'S IN TROUBLE WITH THE

STOCK MARKET.

INSIDER TRADIN'.

YOU KNOW, WHICH I THINK IS

UNFAIR, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?

SHE'S RICH.

RICH PEOPLE, THEY TALK TO OTHER

RICH PEOPLE, AND THEY TALK ABOUT

RICH STUFF.

PLUS, WE ALL DO INSIDER TRADING.

WE ALL ARE GUILTY OF IT.

BROKE PEOPLE DO IT, TOO.

JUST ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL.

I HAVE COUSINS WHO WORK AT

WAL-MART.

THEY ALWAYS CALLIN' ME.

"GIRL, DON'T BUY THERE TODAY."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"UH-UH.

NO.

IT'S GOIN' ON SALE TOMORROW."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"UH-HUH.

YEAH.

TWO FOR ONE.

TWO FOR ONE.

IT'S GONNA SPLIT.

IT'S GONNA SPLIT.

YEAH."

(LAU

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