Marc Maron - Anger Management

  • Season 11 , Ep 1
  • 01/11/2007
  • Views: 3,482

Marc bought a book to deal with his anger problem. (2:02)

I'VE BEEN WARNED BY MY WIFE THAT I HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM

THAT NEEDS TO BE RECKONED WITH. I HAVE TO RECKON WITH

MY ANGER PROBLEM.

AND YOU KNOW WHEN YOU YELL AT YOUR WIFE YOU'RE A DOUCHE BAG.

IF YOU YELL BY YOURSELF YOU'RE CRAZY.

SO I NEED TO RECTIFY THE ANGER PROBLEM.

SHE SAID YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO DEAL WITH THIS.

SO I DID WHAT EVERY SMART PERSON DOES WHEN THEY'RE CALLED ON THEIR [BLEEP].

I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT A BOOK ONANGER MANAGEMENT.

AND NOW I HAVE THAT BOOK.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND I DON'T KNOWIF I'LL GET TO THE BOOK BUT I'M CERTAINLY

EXCITED ABOUT THE DAY WHERE I CAN'T FIND THE BOOK

AND I GET TO SAY, "WHERE THE HELL IS MY ANGER MANAGEMENT BOOK!

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT? WHERE IS IT?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MY WIFE-- HER NEW THING IS-- SHE SAYS, "I NEED A GUN."

SHE WANTS TO GET A GUN TO PROTECT THE HOUSE.

SHE'S LIKE "WE NEED IT TO PROTECT OUR HOME."

AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU THERE IS NO WAY SHE'S GETTING A GUN

BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY I'M NOT GETTING SHOT WITH THAT GUN.

BUYING MY WIFE A GUNIS SORTA LIKE ME SAYING,

"YOU KNOW I KINDA WANNA KILL MYSELF

BUT I WANT IT TO BE A SURPRISE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I GUESS IF I HAD A GUN AND SHE HAD A GUN IT'D BE OKAY,

IF WE BOTH HAD GUNS AND THEN MAYBE EVERY ARGUMENT

COULD JUST END LIKE THE END OF A TARANTINO MOVIE JUST LIKE--

"ALL RIGHT YOU PUT YOURS DOWN. WE'RE GOING DOWN EASY,

BOTH OF US-- SAME TI-- WHATEVER YOU NEED WE'LL CUDDLE.

I'LL LISTEN, WHATEVER. LET'S JUST PUT 'EM DOWN NOW."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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