Jeff Ross - Where the F**k Is the ATM Machine?

Season 1, Ep 0101 07/17/2002 Views: 4,399

Jeffrey Ross loses to a pair of queens. (1:23)

This is a poem I wrote about

my... I wrote about... it's a

poem I wrote about

( stammering ).

You're the best.

This is a poem I wrote about my

experience here in Las Vegas.

It's called, "Where the

( bleep ) is the ATM Machine?"

( cheers and applause )


Poker, four in the morning.

Biggest pot of the night.

Couldn't fold.

I was going to win that hand.

I had a jack high."

( laughter )

"Decided to bluff everybody out.

I raised and raised again.

It was looking good.

Everybody folded except the 90-

year-old Chinese lady on the


( laughter )

"I've been to the Chinese


They never fold."

( laughter )

"It was go time.

We showed our cards.


A pair of queens.

I lost it all to a pair of


Or as they call it in Vegas, a

Siegfied and Roy."