Maria Bamford - Joy Whac-A-Mole

  • Season 1 , Ep 1
  • 01/08/2010
  • Views: 52,265

Maria's mother and sister are very good at playing the fun game Joy Whac-A-Mole. (1:58)

AND WE'VE BEEN PLAYINGTHIS NEW GAME WITH MY FAMILY.

IT'S CALLED JOY WHACK-A-MOLE.

WHAT HAPPENS--SOMEBODY BRINGS UP SOMETHING

THAT THEY'RE HAPPY ABOUT,THE OTHER PERSON SLAMS IT DOWN.

(laughter and applause)

BEFORE...

THEY CAN EVER FEEL...

TOO GOOD...

ABOUT...THEIR LIVES.

TALKED TO MY SISTER.SARA, I MET SOMEONE.

I THINK--I THINK THIS IS THE ONE.

MM! THAT'S GREAT.

SO YOU PROJECTED A FANTASYON SOME BISEXUAL STRANGER

YOU MET ON petfinder.uk?

(laughter)

I'M JUST SAYING, YOU LIKE 'EMGAY AND OUT OF TOWN.

TWO FOR THREE--GAY AND OUT OF TOWN.

WHAT'S HIS NAME, RUPERT?HE SOUNDS GREAT.

(laughter)

MY MOM'S THE BEST AT IT,THOUGH.

MOM, AMY HAD HER BABY.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

I MEAN,IT'S NOT THE GREATEST NEWS

FOR THE 600,000 KIDSIN FOSTER CARE IN THIS COUNTRY,

BUT IF SHE WANTS A FRESH ONE,OH...

(laughter)

EVERYBODY WANTS ONETHAT LOOKS LIKE THEM.

IT'S SO SELFISH.SO SELFISH.

MOM,I'M DOING A SHOW TONIGHT.

OH, SWEETIE,I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU.

A FRIEND OF MINE--COINCIDENTALLY,

SHE WAS ACTUALLYIN FOSTER CARE.

SHE IS SO FUNNY.

SHE WAS AIRLIFTED OUTOF THE SUDAN IN THE LATE '90s

'CAUSE SHE HAD BEEN BE-ARMEDAND BE-LEGGED BY THE JANJAWEED,

THE HORSEBACK MILITIA.

SHE'S JUST A HOOT.SHE'D LOVE TO DO STAND-UP.

BUT SHE CAN'T--(groans)

AND...(laughter)

YOU KNOW,SO SHE'S FUNNY AS HECK.

SHE'S IN A HOSPICE SITUATION.

IT'S REALLYJUST A MATTER OF TIME.

THE PRIEST COMES IN--PRIEST COMES IN,

HE SAYS,"WOULD YOU LIKE US TO LIGHT

A CANDLE FOR YOUIN THE CHAPEL?"

AND SHE SAYS,SASSY AS YOU PLEASE,

TELETYPING THROUGHHER EYELIDS...

(laughter)

"WELL, HOW MANY CANDLESYA GOT?"

BECAUSE SO MANY HORRIBLE THINGSHAVE HAPPENED TO HER

AND KEEP HAPPENING.

SWEETIE, HAVE A GOOD SHOW.WHAT YOU DO IS SO IMPORTANT.

(laughter)

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!THANKS A LOT!

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