The Colbert Report

Intro - 7/19/07

Season 3 • 07/19/2007

Stephen says, "Physician, heal thyself -- as long as it's not a pre-existing condition."

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04:06

The Word - Smiley Face
The Colbert ReportS3

How could kittens fall asleep in a world where Iraq was not on its way toward becoming a democracy?
07/18/2007
02:23

2007 Filibustacular
The Colbert ReportS3

Although Stephen broadcasted The Report for 24-hours straight, Comedy Central cut him off at midnight.
07/18/2007
05:52

John Mellencamp
The Colbert ReportS3

John Mellencamp may be for peace, but he is no pacifist.
07/18/2007
01:44

Alpha Dog of the Week - David Beckham
The Colbert ReportS3

It takes alpha-sized man-crumpets to drum up coverage and cash, and then not do the one thing that is theoretically interesting about you.
07/18/2007
02:29

Tip/Wag - Arnold Schwarzenegger
The Colbert ReportS3

American television will teach immigrants all the necessary phrases like, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?" and "Dy-no-mite!"
07/18/2007
00:15

Sign Off - Length of the Show Contest
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen congratulates the winner of his "Guess the Length of the Show" contest, who won with a guess of 30 minutes.
07/19/2007
03:28

March to Enslavement - Stephen Gets an iPhone
The Colbert ReportS3

After months of begging -- with dignity -- Stephen finally gets a free iPhone.
07/19/2007
07:09

Michael Moore
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen isn't comfortable sitting that close to Michael Moore.
07/19/2007
04:27

Frank Sulloway
The Colbert ReportS3

Frank Sulloway's research indicates that elder siblings have a greater chance of being the smarter sibling. As the youngest of 11, Stephen takes issue with that.
07/19/2007
03:17

Republican Candidates' Suffering
The Colbert ReportS3

John McCain's "Straight Talk Express" hit a few bumps in the road, most of which turned out to be former passengers.
07/19/2007
00:32

Intro - 7/19/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Michael Moore criticizes health care, Stephen launches a new segment about emerging technologies, and guest Frank Sulloway wants attention from his parents.
07/19/2007
00:15

Sign Off - Just About Out of Time
The Colbert ReportS3

The Report is just about out of time. Or, to be exact, it was just about out of time a moment ago.
07/23/2007
00:13

Intro - 7/23/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is too busy reading the newly-released final Harry Potter book to introduce the show.
07/23/2007
06:01

Colbert Platinum - Private Submarines
The Colbert ReportS3

You've got your Lamborghini, you've got your private jet, you've got your schooner -- what should your next expensive vehicle purchase be? A submarine.
07/23/2007
02:58

Stephen's Fountain of Youth
The Colbert ReportS3

When Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson appeared on The Report, he didn't just get the Colbert Bump -- his hair looked more brown than usual.
07/23/2007
05:41

Simon Schama
The Colbert ReportS3

Simon Schama says the purpose of art is to unleash the floodgates of passion. Stephen says FEMA has to protect people from the flooding of his passion.
07/23/2007
04:30

The Word - Premium Package
The Colbert ReportS3

Americans have basic rights, and those rights should not be denied on the basis of their color, creed, or religion -- it should be on the basis of their tax returns.
07/23/2007
06:06

Anthony Romero
The Colbert ReportS3

ACLU Director Anthony Romero, author of "In Defense of Our America," defends Stephen's right to burn his book.
07/24/2007
04:08

The Word - Modest Porpoisal
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen suggests that by eating endangered animals we can prevent their extinction.
07/24/2007
04:20

Movies That Are Destroying America: Chuck and Larry
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen just hopes that "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" shows the dark side of gay marriage: Kevin James naked.
07/24/2007
01:52

Bush's Butt
The Colbert ReportS3

If the Bush administration is so secretive, would they have publicly handed over power to Dick Cheney while the president got a camera stuck up his butt?
07/24/2007
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