Tracy Smith - Dating Regret

  • Season 7 , Ep 26
  • 08/21/2003
  • Views: 7,000

Being single in your 30s can stir up a lot of regret. (2:23)

I'M IN MY MID 30s NOW,

NOT SO PICKY ANY MORE.

IT'S NOT LIKE BEING IN THE 20s.

OH, I WAS HAVING A BLAST.

I WAS GOING THROUGH MEN LIKE

THEY WERE FRICKIN' KLEENEX.

IT'S LIKE, WHOO-HOO!

♪ YOU'RE TOO TALL ♪

♪ AND YOU CAN'T DANCE ♪

♪ AND I DON'T LIKE ♪

♪ THE PLEATS IN YOUR PANTS ♪

♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪

YEAH?

WELL, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE 30 YEARS OLD.

AND YOUR KLEENEX BOX IS EMPTY.

AND YOU ARE DIGGING THROUGH

THE TRASH FOR A WAD YOU HAVEN'T

USED UP YET.

WHERE'S THE GUY WHO LIKED ME

TOO MUCH?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHERE'S THE ONE WHO WAS

TOO NICE?

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

YOU FINALLY MEET A GUY WHO

BUYS YOU FLOWERS AND OPENS DOORS

FOR YOU AND YOU GO, "(BLEEP)

WIMP."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"MOMMA'S BOY.

GO ON BACK TO MOMMA.

SEND ME BACK SOMEBODY WHO'LL

TREAT ME LIKE (BLEEP)."

I AM NOT THERE YET.

BUT MARK MY WORDS.

YOU HIT YOUR MID 30s

AND YOU'RE STILL SINGLE,

YOU'LL LOOK AROUND AND FEEL LIKE

YOU MISSED OUT ON THE FIRST

ROUND DRAFT PICKS.

AND THAT GUY WHO COULDN'T DANCE

NOW LOOKS AWFULLY CUTE CARRYING

A DIAPER BAG.

NOW WE GOTTA WAIT FOR TRADING

SEASON.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

LOOKING FOR DIVORCED MEN.

WE GET TO PICK OVER THE

CARCASSES OF WHAT THE EX-WIVES

LEFT US.

RUNNING AROUND HOTEL LOUNGES,

GOING, "BRING OUT YOUR DEAD."

[LAUGHTER]

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE THREW

THAT OUT.

THERE'S STILL SOME MEAT ON THOSE

BONES.

AAH-AAH!

GET BACK, YOU FRIGGING VULTURES.

I SAW IT FIRST.

AAH-AAH!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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