Andy Kindler - Tremendous Amount of Space

  • Season 14, Ep 23
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 18,591

Even during the boom times, Andy Kindler can't remember people scooping up pianos. (2:10)

WHEN I'M RIDING AROUNDAND LISTENING TO THE RADIO,

THERE'S A MILLION COMMERCIALSFOR LASER EYE SURGERY.

I LIKE MY GLASSES,BUT THEY TRY AND ROPE YOU IN.

ONE COMMERCIAL SAID, "NO LONGERWILL YOU MISS A SUNRISE

'CAUSE YOU'RE FUMBLINGFOR YOUR GLASSES."

YES, I CAN'T TELL YOU

HOW MANY IMPORTANT WORLD EVENTSI'VE MISSED.

OH, SURE, GETTING THEM OFFIS EASY,

BUT I -- I HAVE TOSET MY ALARM CLOCK

A HALF-HOUR EARLIER EVERY DAY

JUST TO NEGOTIATE THIS MANEUVER.

"HONEY..."

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

"...OBAMA'S GIVING A SPEECH.

CAN YOU DOWNLOAD THAT PDFABOUT PUTTING YOUR GLASSES ON?"

LOOK HOW I'M NOTLIKE JIM CARREY.

I CAN BARELY EXECUTEPHYSICAL COMEDY.

I WOULD LIKE TO SMOKEMEDICAL MARIJUANA.

I DON'T HAVE --

[ CHEERING ]YES.

I DON'T HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITIONTO SMOKE IT FOR,

BUT IT'S PREVENTATIVE.

I DON'T WANT TO GET GLAUCOMA,DO I?

[ LAUGHTER ]

GET AN EARLY STARTON THE PREVENTION.

WHENEVER I BUY WEED,I BUY LIKE 40 POUNDS

'CAUSE I'M AFRAIDI'M GONNA LOSE MY CONNECTION.

BECAUSE, AT MY AGE, WHERE AM IGONNA GET A NEW CONNECTION?

I CAN'T.

I USED TO GO TO THE SCHOOLYARDTO BUY POT.

I CAN'T --THAT DOESN'T LOOK RIGHT NOW.

[ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ]

"OH, NO!

"OFFICER,IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

I'M JUST HERE TO BUY DRUGS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, RECENTLY,A PIANO STORE CLOSED.

I DON'T REMEMBER,EVEN DURING THE BOOM TIMES,

PEOPLE SCOOPING UP PIANOS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT IS THE THOUGHT PROCESSTHAT SOMEONE GOES THROUGH

BEFORE THEY OPEN UPA PIANO STORE?

"LET ME SEE.

"WHAT CAN I SELLTHAT MOST PEOPLE CAN'T AFFORD...

"OR OPERATE...

AND WILL TAKE UPA TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF SPACE?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

APPLIANCES?TOO PRACTICAL.

SPORTS CARS?TOO DESIRABLE.

BUT A GRAND PIANO IS PERFECT.

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