Uncensored - Neal Brennan - Joseph Got a Raw Deal

Neal Brennan: Women and Black Dudes Season 1, Ep 101 01/18/2014 Views: 5,586

Neal Brennan did not have the typical Catholic school experience. (2:22)

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JOSEPH GOT A RAW DEAL, HUH?

MORE ON THAT IN A SECOND.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU KNOW, JESUS -- LIKE,WE'RE CRAZY INTO JESUS.

LIKE,IF ALIENS CAME DOWN TO EARTH,

THEY'LL BE LIKE, "WHO ISTHIS GUY WITH THE BEARD

YOU GUYS ARE SO INTO?"

OH, HIS NAME IS JESUS.

FROM NAZARETH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

"REALLY? WHAT DID HE DOTHAT WAS SO GREAT?"

WHAT HE DIDTHAT WAS SO GREAT WAS,

HE TOLD USTO BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

"THIS WAS RECENTLY?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

NO, ACTUALLY, THIS WASA COUPLE THOUSAND YEARS AGO

AS A MATTER OF FACT.

"AND NO ONE ELSEHAS SAID THAT SINCE?"

UH, NO, ONE OTHER GUY,BLACK DUDE WITH A MUSTACHE.

MARTIN LUTHER KING --HE SAID IT, TOO.

"ALL RIGHT, SO,LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU GUYS ARE SUCH DICKSTHAT IN 2,000 YEARS,

ONLY TWO OF YOUWENT AROUND SAYING,

'HEY, EVERYONE, LET'S BE NICE'?"

YEAH, BUT I DON'T THINKTHAT MAKES US DICKS.

"ALL RIGHT, WELL,WHAT'D YOU DO TO THOSE TWO?"

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE DICKS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

SO, YEAH, SO, BACK TO JOSEPH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WORST PART OF THE BIBLE!WORST PART OF THE BIBLE.

HE GOES OUT OF TOWN, COMES BACK,MARY'S LIKE,

"I'M PREGNANT," ANDHE'S LIKE, "WE HAVEN'THAD SEX IN SIX MONTHS."

"NO, IT WAS A GHOST."

"OH, THAT'S GONNA BE EASIERFOR ME TO DEAL WITH EMOTIONALLY.

ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH."

[ LAUGHTER ]

I GOT TO SAY,I'M WAY TOO PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

'CAUSE IF I WERE JOSEPHAND MARY WAS LIKE,

"HEY, WOULD YOU MIND CHANGINGJESUS' DIAPER?"

I'D BE LIKE,"NO, BUT MAYBE THE GHOST WILL.

ANY WORD FROM THE GHOST?"

"ANYTHING ABOUT CHIPPING INA JERUSA-DOLLARS

"FOR JESUS' PRESCHOOL?

NOTHING?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"I GOT TO GET A BARTENDING JOB'CAUSE OF THE GHOST?

ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH."

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M ALL GAKKED OUT ON...

ON JESUS.

[ CHUCKLES ] NOW, I WENTTO CATHOLIC SCHOOL 12 YEARS.

SO, CATHOLIC SCHOOL --ALL RIGHT, FIRST OF ALL,

CATHOLIC SCHOOL 12 YEARS,

PEOPLE'S FIRST QUESTIONWHEN THEY HEAR THAT IS,

"HEY, NEAL,DID YOU GET MOLESTED?"

IT'S THE SIGN OFA CLASSY ORGANIZATION, ISN'T IT?

AND TO ANSWER THE QUESTION,NO, I DIDN'T GET MOLESTED.

I FUCKED A FEW PRIESTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT I DIDN'T GET --I DIDN'T GET MOLESTED.

I AIN'T NO BITCH,YOU UNDERSTAND?

8-YEAR-OLD ME FUCKING A PRIEST.

FORGIVE ME, FATHER.YOU KNOW WHY. [ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]