Kyle Cease - Original Nintendo

  • Season 10 , Ep 24
  • 05/11/2006
  • Views: 29,779

The original Nintendo could be fixed by blowing into it. (1:48)

- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]- YEAH.

HOW GREAT WAS THE ORIGINAL NINTENDO?

THEY TRIED TO COME OUT WITH THEIR NEW SYSTEM

AND THAT WASN'T-- I CAN'T DO THAT ON CAMERA.

THIS WAS-- I PLAY A LOT OF DICE IN VEGAS.

YEAH, IF IT WERE WHAT YOU THINK IT WAS, IT WOULD BE LIKE,

WHOA, 'CAUSE I HAVE A VERY CURVY PENIS

BUT HERE'S THE THING. THE ORIGINAL NINTENDO

WAS THE BEST SYSTEM EVER 'CAUSE IT'S THE ONLY SYSTEM

THAT IF IT DIDN'T WORK,YOU COULD FIX IT

BY BLOWING INTO IT ALL DAY.

- [BLOWING NOISES]- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU'D TRY TO DO IT FAST FIRST, AND WHEN THAT DIDN'T WORK.

AND ONLY YOU COULD FIX YOUR OWN NINTENDO

FOR SOME REASON, RIGHT? YOUR FRIENDS WOULD TRY TO DO IT

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO IT, JACKASS.

YOU HAVE TO SLIDE IT TOWARDSTHE EDGE AND TO THE RIGHT

AND YOU HAVE TO PLAY EASY LISTENING MUSIC.

THERE'S A BOOK THAT I SHOVE IN HERE.

WHERE'S STEPHEN KING'S "IT"?

WE CAN'T PLAY SUPER MARIO BROTHERS."

THERE'S LIKE FIVE OR SIX NERDS THINKING, "STEPHEN KING'S "IT"

WOULD BE WAY TOO BIGTO SHOVE INTO A NINTENDO.

EVEN PAPERBACK YOU COULDN'T DO THAT AT-- [JIBBERISH.]"

THAT'S YOU GUYS--I'M JUST KIDDING-- PSYCH.

SO, THE BEST PART OF NINTENDO WAS THE CODES.

WE HAD CODES THAT GOT US TOTHE END OF THE GAME IMMEDIATELY.

WHY CAN'T WE HAVE THAT IN REAL LIFE?

JUST ONCE I'D LIKE TO BE ON A DATE WITH A CHICK

AND WHEN SHE STARTS TALKING ABOUT HER CATS AND SHE'S LIKE,

"AND THIS CAT LIKES CORNAND THIS ONE HAS DIARRHEA

AND THIS ONE CAN FIGHT CRIME." I CAN BE LIKE, "UP, UP, DOWN,

DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, BA SELECT START."

AND I'M IN BED WITH HER WITH NO MORE CATS,

I'M NOW [BLEEP] OF HER. THANK YOU.

I'M [BLEEP] OF HER. THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT. LIKE A VAGINA. LIKE A VAGINA. LIKE A VAGINA,

I'M [BLEEP] OF HER VAGINA AND WE'RE HAVING FUN.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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