COMEDIAN: Uh, I usedto open for Julio,
and uh, someone waslike, why do you
have a comedian open for you?
True-- quoteunquote, he goes, "I
like to make them laugh beforethey want to make love."
And then like a dove flew outof his arm, ya know, it's like--
Um, and I didn't speak Spanishand I was really lonely.
And I was doing like 5,000seat theaters every night,
but it was all like, ya know,50 to 80-year-old Mexican women
that didn't speak English.
That was the showsevery night, all
across the southwest America.
This is dead true.
This is six years ago.
At the time I was on theshow, Punk'D. I was, uh,
punking people--that was my, my gig.
And uh, the band thought itwould be great to punk me.
And so what they did--I was really lonely
and there-- I hadno friends, and I
didn't speak Spanishlike the band.
And they're like, my friend,we have a nickname for you.
I was like, what is it?
And they're like, maricon.
And I was like,what does that mean?
That sounds awesome.
By the way, if youdon't speak Spanish,
that means gay guy, right?
All of em, it's all gay.
And the joke was, heh, hetold me that it meant friend.
I was like, maricon,what does it mean?
He goes, it meansyou're our friend.
Our maricon, maricon for life.
And I was like, that is so cool.
I'm the maricon!
And then I would goup to people, people
after the show wouldbe like, great show.
I'm like, yeah thanks,they call me the maricon.
And I neverunderstood, I thought
Mexicans were just dicks.
Like literally, cuz after everyshow, if someone-- if I said
that to someone they'd belike, all right, and then
just walk away from me.
And I'm like, why iseveryone so mean to me?
I'm your maricon.
And then finally--finally, Julio
Iglesias himself, waslike, are you having fun?
And I was like, yes.
Because that's how I talkwhen I talk to Spanish people,
I'm like, I'mhaving so much fun.
I make love.
And like a dove fliesout of my mouth.
I was like, your bandcalls me maricon.
And he goes, my friend, thatmeans you make love to men.
And just one tearrolled down my cheek.
I was like, no!
It's pretty intense.
That was my Julio Iglesiasstory and it's all true.
So all you Spanish people,I will have my revenge.
I looked up every one of them.
Mariposa means butterfly,also means gay.
I did some research.
Patito, patito sucio,which is even more intense.
I know what you guys are upto, you can't trick me again.