Chris Hardwick - Hybrid Species

Chris Hardwick: Mandroid Season 1, Ep 101 11/10/2012 Views: 5,091

Humans have little to no respect for the sexual preferences of animals. (2:17)

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No, I want a liger, huh?

Right?

Remember, from Napoleon Dynamite?

That's a real thing.

It's the bastard offspring

of the lion and the tiger

jumping across species lines

to createan unholy third species.

There's tons of hybrid species.Tons of them.

These animalsdon't choose to mate

with their cousin species,mind you.

Humans make them

because we have littleto no respect

for the sexual preferencesof animals.

We just are thesebig dumb kids

in nature's sandboxwho want to point at stuff

and be like,"You, [bleep] that.

"I wanna see what comes out.

Ha ha ha ha."

So there are tonsof hybrid species.

There's ligers, and tigons,and zorses,

and grolar bears!

Ah, that's just reallya polar bear

with jungle fever,let's be honest.

It's fine.

And yet humans cannotproduce viable offspring

with our closest animal cousin,the chimpanzee.

We cannot impregnatea chimp.

So you know what that means?

No condoms, [bleep] yeah.

Here I come, chimps.

Here I come.

I've seen you peel bananaswith your feet.

I know whatyou're capable of.

I am on to you, chimps.

But seriously,don't [bleep] animals, right?

We were having fun a second ago.It was a joke.

Uh, please don't[bleep] animals.

If you take away one thingfrom this comedy special,

Chris Hardwick says,"Don't [bleep] animals."

I mean, you can [bleep] your dog'cause you own him

and who's he gonna tell?But don't--

You can.You can.

You can totally [bleep]your dog.

You could--It would be fine.

Oh, my God,your dog's your buddy.

He's up for anything,whatever.

Right?

No, hang on a second.

Wait.

If you really think about it,you know for a fact

you could totally [bleep]your dog

and a second later,he'd be like,

"What do you wanna do now?"