And imagine my surprise tofind a beaver in my underpants.
Good evening and welcometo Two Drink Minimum,
the show where oldjokes are made new
through the magicof double entendre.
I have been having agreat time while I've
been out here in New York.
I've been seeing the sights.
Just yesterday we sawthe River of Spit.
And we visited theMuseum of Smells
and then beforeI leave tomorrow,
I'm going to go see theGallery of Broken Things.
But we were hoping, onething we missed out.
We were hoping to haveMayor Dinkins come down
and introduce one of thecomedians or something, which,
you know, don't laugh either.
He is a big comedy fan.
When you think about it, whyelse be the mayor of New York?
I'm having a greattime out here.
I'm going back to Los Angeles.
A lot of people say theythink that Los Angeles is
a heartless place that breedsinsincerity and mistrust.
But you know, I found thatwhen I first moved there,
I didn't really like it.
But after a while,something inside me died.
And it didn't bother me so much.
But I have noticed onesimilarity between Los Angeles
and New York is thenonstop, 24 hour a day,
seven day a week traffic.
You know, it'sunbelievable to me.
You could go out at4:00 in the morning,
after a nuclear bomb destroysthe entire Eastern seaboard,
and the TriboroughBridge would be jammed.
Who are thesepeople and where are
they going in nuclear winter?
Actually the peopleat home have no way
of knowing that weare in New York.
But there are actuallythere are subtle clues.
For example, that you cantell we're in New York
if you look at my eyes, you cansee a slight paranoid delirium,
mixed with terror andabject hopelessness.
Which, whereas, if wewere in Los Angeles,
you would see moral bankruptcyblended with repressed rage
masked by a tenuous beliefthat the suffering of others
is none of my concern.
Well that's how you getthe riots anyway, folks.
I'm glad you guysare here tonight.