Porn Con

  • Season 2 , Ep 2
  • 09/10/2013
  • Views: 4,208

Woody heads to Porn Con to regain some of his long-lost prestige in the biz, only to find that his legacy has been co-opted by a cocky upstart. (2:23)

- WELL, THIS SUCKS,MALLOY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE NO ONEWANTS TO MEET ME.

THERE'S EVEN A LINETO SEE THE FATTIES

FROM FILIPINO FOOT FETISH 5!

♪ [camera shutter clicking]

- THAT WAS A SURPRISINGLYSOLID FILM, DESPITE THE FACT

THAT YOU DIDN'T REALIZEIT WAS A PREQUEL TILL THE END.

- I'M A JOKE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUTALKED ME INTO COMING HERE.

MY LEGACY IS DEAD.- CHEER UP, WOODY.

THESE PORN NERDSARE JUST CHEAP.

AUTOGRAPHS NOWONLY $10.

$1.00 AUTOGRAPHS.

[thud]

OKAY, NO ONE LOVES YOU.- JESUS DOES!

- NOT AFTER HE SAW

THE REXERECTION IV: EASTER [bleep]DAY.

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,IT IS MY PLEASURE

TO INTRODUCE THE BIGGESTPORN STAR IN THE WORLD,

THE GOD OF ROD,THE MASTER ASS BLASTER,

THE SHOE-IN FOR THIS YEAR'SBONEY AWARD,

DUKE DICK!

[cheers and applause]

- HEY, THOSE ARE MY MOVES!

THAT'S MY NAVAJO CHAP SLAPAND MY INVERTED CLAM!

[gasps]AND THAT'S MY MR. BELVEDERE!

- YO! DUKE DICKIN THE HIT ZONE!

WHAT TIME IS IT?- IT'S TIME TO BUST ASS!

- AND THAT'SMY CATCHPHRASE!

- NOW, WHO WANTS TO SEE DUKEDO HIS FAMOUS MOVE?

THE DUKE ROCKET!

[cheers and applause]

- STOP RIGHT THERE!

- SOMEONE GETTHIS QUEEN OFFSTAGE

BEFORE THE DUKEGETS FILLED WITH RAGE!

- YOU STOLE ALL OF MY MOVES,ASSHOLE!

- ASSHOLE? MY ASSHOLE HAS WONFIVE BONEY AWARDS!

SHOW SOME RESPECT, SON!

- OH, I AIN'T YOUR SON,HOMBRE.

I'M REX [bleep] ERECTION!

- REX ERECTIONWAS MY HERO

UNTIL HE TOLD MEI'D NEVER MAKE IT.

- WHAT THE--

"DEAR DUKE,YOU GOT A SMALL TOOL.

STAY IN SCHOOL.REX."

- WELL, I SHOWED YOU.

NOW I'M ON TOP, AND YOU'REALL WASHED UP, OLD MAN.

- NOT FOR LONG, 'CAUSE YOUKNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?

- I DON'T KNOW.SKYPE WITH YOUR GRANDKIDS?

- NO, I'M GONNACOME OUT OF RETIREMENT,

I'M GONNA MAKE MY OWN MOVIE,I'M GONNA WIN THAT BONEY,

AND THEN I'M GONNA SHOVE IT UPYOUR AWARD-WINNING ASSHOLE!

- YEAH, RIGHT.

WHAT DIRECTOR WOULD TOUCHYOUR WASHED-UP WHITE ASS?

- I WILL.

- DUDE, A HAIRYLITTLE WOODLAND CREATURE

CAN'T DIRECT A MOVIE.

- UH, WHAT ABOUTPETER JACKSON?

- OKAY,I STAND CORRECTED.

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