Jeff Stilson - Televangelists

Season 1 , Ep 0126 02/24/92 Views: 674

Jeff Stilson spends his Saturdays with televangelists. (1:38)

I DON'T HAVE MUCH SYMPATHY

FOR THESE FOOLS WHO FELL PREYTO BAKKER'S SCHEMES.

I FIGURE IF THEY WERESTUPID ENOUGH

TO TRUST HIM WITH THEIR MONEY

IT WAS A FLUKE THAT THEY HAD ANYIN THE FIRST PLACE.

IF NOT BY BAKKER, THEY WOULD'VEBEEN DUPED BY SOMEONE ELSE.

EVERY SUNDAY YOU CAN WATCHA DIFFERENT TELEVANGELIST

HUSTLING HIS CONGREGATIONFOR DONATIONS.

HE ALWAYS USEDTHE SAME LINE, TOO

THAT HE JUST SPOKEWITH THE LORD THE NIGHT BEFORE.

POOR JESUS--FIRST HE'S CRUCIFIED

THEN HE HAS TO SPEND HISSATURDAYS WITH JERRY FALWELL.

WHEN WILL THE SUFFERING END?

SO I LIVE ALONE IN NEW YORK.

I JUST MOVEDINTO A NEW APARTMENT.

I'M STILL FURNISHING IT.

THE OTHER DAY I BOUGHTA CUTTING BOARD FOR MY KITCHEN.

IT'S A PIECE OF WOODWITH A HANDLE ON IT.

IT'S MADE IN YUGOSLAVIA.

APPARENTLY, WE DON'T HAVETHE TECHNOLOGY IN THIS COUNTRY

TO MAKE A CUTTING BOARD.

I TRIED SHOPPING BY MAIL.

I DECIDED TO ORDER MY GIRLFRIENDSOME CLOTHES

FROM VICTORIA'S SECRET.

BAD IDEA.

THE MODELS IN THIS CATALOGARE SO BEAUTIFUL

THAT BY THE TIME I GOT DONEMAKING MY SELECTIONS

I WANTED TO BREAK UPWITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

( laughter )

I SHOULD FEEL MORE COMFORTABLEIN THE MARKETPLACE.

MY DEGREE FROM COLLEGEIS IN ECONOMICS.

WE STUDIED MOSTLY THEORY.

WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME

DETERMINING HOW MANY WIDGETSA PERSON WOULD PRODUCE

GIVEN A CERTAIN SETOF CIRCUMSTANCES.

A WIDGET, I LEARNED

IS AN IMAGINARY PRODUCTUSED IN ECONOMICS MODELS.

JUST ABOUT EVERYTHINGIN ECONOMICS IS IMAGINARY

INCLUDING THE JOB I GOTWHEN I GRADUATED.

( laughter )

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