Paul F. Tompkins - House Bear

  • Season 7 , Ep 6
  • 03/13/2002
  • Views: 4,385

Genetic engineering should be used to make big animals small. (1:46)

TALKING ABOUT GENETIC

ENGINEERING.

AND NO, WE WEREN'T HIGH.

(LAUGHTER)

MY FRIEND WAS SAYING HOW GREAT

IT WOULD BE IF YOU COULD MAKE

A CAT AS BIG AS A DOG.

YOU KNOW HAVE LIKE A HOUSE CAT

AND MAKE IT AS BIG AS LIKE A,

YOU KNOW A GOLDEN RETRIEVER

OR SOMETHING.

BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE LIKE

A TAME JUNGLE CAT RUNNING AROUND

YOUR HOUSE, YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER)

NOW I SAID, THAT'S COOL UP

TO A POINT.

BUT YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU'RE

PETTIN' THE CAT AND IT'S FINE

FOR A WHILE AND THEN THE CAT

IS DONE WITH YOU PETTIN' 'EM?

(LAUGHTER)

AND HE TURNS AROUND AND BITES

YOU ON THE HAND OR WHATEVER?

NOW THE CAT'S HEAD IS THIS BIG,

RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)

HERE'S WHAT YOU DO INSTEAD.

YOU TAKE BIG ANIMALS AND SHRINK

THEM DOWN SO WE CAN HAVE THEM.

(LAUGHTER)

I VOTE FOR THE BEAR.

YEAH.

LET'S MAKE 'EM TINY.

LET'S HAVE A LITTLE BEAR.

MAKE 'EM SMALL.

NOT REALLY SMALL.

NOT TOO SMALL.

NOT LIKE POCKET SIZE

OR WHATEVER.

SO YOU CARRY 'EM AROUND

AND BE A JERK LIKE, HEY,

DO YOU WANNA SEE MY BEAR?

BUT JUST, YOU KNOW SMALL.

LIKE ABOUT THIS BIG.

THIS BIG.

IMAGINE IT.

HOW ADORABLE THAT WOULD BE.

A LITTLE BEAR LIKE THAT RUNNING

AROUND YOUR HOUSE.

LET'S SAY HE TRIES TO BITE YA.

HOW MUCH IS IT GONNA HURT?

HE'S JUST A HOUSE BEAR.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT ONE MAKES ME LAUGH

A LITTLE, TOO.

I GOTTA ADMIT.

IT'S FUNNY.

IT'S FUNNY TO THINK OF IT.

(APPLAUSE)

DON'T APPLAUD FOR MY VANITY.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I CAN'T ARGUE.

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