Tusky Business

November 12, 2014 - Steve Carell 11/12/2014 Views: 56,056

The United States government seeks to curb its contributions to the illegal ivory trade, which is endangering elephants and funding terrorists groups in Africa. (9:03)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILYSHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A TREMENDOUS SHOWPLANNED FOR YOU THIS

EVENING.

WE HAVE PREPARED IT WITH THEGREATEST OF THE CARE, THE

GREATEST OF LOVE, OUR GUESTTONIGHT A YOUNG ACTOR NAMED

CAROL.

(LAUGHTER)CARELL, STEVE CARELL.

I'M NOT FAMILIAR BUT I HEAR GOODTHINGS.

(LAUGHTER)BUT FIRST, LAST NIGHT WE

POKED A LITTLE FUN AT THEAPEC SUMMIT IN BEIJING FOR

MAKING WORLD LEADERS WEARGOOFY CLOTHES AND DISPLAYING

WHAT I BELIEVE PYROTECHNICPROFESSIONALS REFER TO AS

FIREWORKS OUT THE YINYANG.

(LAUGHTER)BUT FAIR'S FAIR.

THERE WERE SOME RESULTS.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA ANDPRESIDENT XI JINPING OF

CHINA ANNOUNCED A MAJOR DEALON CLIMATE CHANGE.

>> THE WORLD'S TWO BIGGESTPOLLUTERS AGREE TO REDUCE

THEIR CARBON EMISSIONS.

>> Jon: OH MY GOD, THAT'S-- IHAD NO IDEA THAT WAS GOING

TO HAPPEN.

LESS CARBON EMISSIONS FROMTHE TWO OF THE WORLD'S

LARGEST POLLUTERS.

THIS CALLS FOR ACELEBRATION.

NO, THAT-- NO, THAT-- NO, NO,NO.

THE FIREWORKS THINGS ISACTUALLY WORKING-- OKAY.

I THINK THIS DEAL IS GOINGTO CALL FOR A BIT OF A

CULTURAL SHIFT.

BUT LISTEN, THIS IS GREAT, SOOBVIOUSLY YOU CAN'T DO

ANYTHING REAL ABOUT THEENVIRONMENT WITHOUT CHINA ON

BOARD.

WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEXTISSUE.

>> CHINESE GANGS ARE BEINGACCUSED OF SMUGGLING HUGE

AMOUNTS OF IVORY FROMTANZANIA, WITH THE HELP

OF TANZANIAN OFFICIALS.

>> CHINESE EMBASSY STAFFWERE MAJOR BUYERSES OF THE

IVORY.

THE CONSIGNMENTS OF IVORY WERESENT TO CHINA IN DIPLOMATIC BAGS

ON THE PRESIDENTIAL PLANE.

>> Jon: IVORY SENT INDIPLOMATIC BAGS.

WHAT-- WHAT IS THAT IN MYBAG?

NO -- NO, IT'S NOT ANELEPHANT TUSK, IT'S A GIANT

DILDO.

(LAUGHTER)NOT MADE OF IVORY.

I HAVE THIS THING FORINCREDIBLY OVERSIZED

POINTY DILDOS.

SO, IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME, THEPUNISHER AND I HAVE TO CATCH

A PLANE.

HOW YOU COULD, CHINA!

PROVIDING A MARKET FORILLEGAL POACHERS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU, CHINA,CAN EVEN LOOK AT YOURSELF IN

YOUR INCREDIBLY INTRICATELYCARVED GILDED IVORY MIRRORS.

WHAT KIND OF SOULLESS AMORALCOUNTRY WITH BE THE LARGEST

RETAIL MARKET FOR IVORY?

>> THE UNITED STATES IS THESECOND LARGEST RETAIL MARKET

FOR ELEPHANT IVORY.

>> HELLO.

(LAUGHTER)WAIT, HOW CAN THAT POSSIBLY

BE?

UNLESS THE I STANDS FORIVORY.

(LAUGHTER)I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT

WAS WHITE PLASTIC. NEEDLESS TOSAY OUR INSATIABLE HUNGER FOR

IVORY TRINKETS, DID YOU ENJOYTHAT, OUR INSATIABLE

HUNGER FOR IVORY TRINKETSIS HAVING A CATASTROPHIC

IMPACT ON THE IVORY'SORIGINAL OWNERS.

>> 100,000 ELEPHANTS WEREKILLED FOR THEIR TUSKS OVER

JUST THREE YEARS.

THE ANIMALS HAVE REACHED ATIPPING POINT.

WITH MORE ELEPHANTS KILLEDEACH YEAR THAN THOSE BEING

BORN.

IF IT CONTINUES, THEY WILLBE WIPED OUT.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

IT'S CLEAR, WE'VE GOT TWOOPTIONS, PEOPLE.

EITHER WE AS HUMANS CANDECREASE OUR CONSUMPTION OF

IVORY BY NO LONGER BUYINGTRINKETS WE DON'T EVEN NEED.

OR ELSE ELEPHANTS CAN LOSE THATTWO YEAR GESTATION THING

AND START SHOOTINGOUT PUPS LIKE A T-SHIRT CANNON.

I MEAN CHOP CHOP,ELEPHANTS, YOUR CAREERS CAN

WAIT.

COME ON.

START [BLEEP] COME ON!

LOOK, CLEARLY WE'RE NOT GOING TO SAVE ELEPHANTS

BECAUSE IT IS THE RIGHTTHING TO DO.

THAT'S JUST NOT US.

SO SWEETEN THE POT.

WHAT'S IN IT FOR US, THETUSKLESS.

>> TERRORIST GROUPS HAVEANOTHER SOURCE OF FAST CASH

TO BUY GUNS AND FUND THEREST OF THEIR ILLEGAL

ACTIVITIES.

THEY'RE SLAUGHTERING AFRICANELEPHANTS AND SELLING THE

IVORY TUSKS FOR A LOT OFMONEY.

>> ONLY 1.6 TUSKS WOULD BEREQUIRED TO FUND A

SPECTACULAR DOUBLE TERRORISTATTACK ON TWO EMBASSIES IN

EAST AFRICA.

>> Jon: SO YOU'RE SAVINGELEPHANTS CAN ACTUALLY KEEP US

FROM BEING VICTIMS INTERRORIST

ATTACKS.

I MEAN, IF WE WILL TAKE OFF OURSHOES AT AIRPORTS TO PREVENT

TERRORISM, SURELY WE CANSTOP BUYING SOUVENIR IVORY

FIGURINES MADE IN THELIKENESS OF THE IVORY DONOR.

APPARENTLY IVORY MONEY ISFUNDING ALMOST EVERY CIVIL

WAR, GENOCIDAL MILITIA ANDTERRORIST GROUP IN AFRICA,

FROM AL SHABAAB TO BOKOHARAM.

BUT YOU MIGHT BE SAYING TOYOURSELF,

DIDN'T THE U.S. BAN IVORYIMPORTS IN LIKE 1989, TO WHICH

I WOULD SAY OH, YOUHAVE A RESEARCH TEAM TOO?

(LAUGHTER)

BECAUSE I WAS NOT AWARE OFTHAT.

BUT WE DID.

WE DID BAN IT.

BUT THAT WILL BE TUSK-SIZEDLOOPHOLES IN IT ME BROTHER.

>> YOU HAVE BEEN ABLE TOWALK THE STREETS OF NEW YORK

AND FIND IVORY FOR SALE.

AND IF YOU ARE A COP AND SAYI THINK YOUR IVORY IS

ILLEGAL, THE FIRST THINGTHAT THE IVORY SELLER WILL

SAY TO YOU IS NO, NO, NO,MINE IS ANTIQUE.

>> Jon: OH, IT'S ANTIQUE,ANTIQUE IVORY IS

GRANDFATHERED, AND THATIS THE LOOPHOLE.

PEOPLE PRETEND THINGS AREANTIQUE.

WELL GUESS WHAT, THAT'S NOT HOWOUR LAWS WORK FOR ANYTHING ELSE.

YOU CAN'T SAY OH GEE, OFFICER,THAT COCAINE WAS PURCHASED

BY MY GRANDMOTHER IN 1912.

SO I THINK WE'RE GOOD HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT.

BACK THEN PEOPLE WERE POLITEAND HAD RESPECT.

WOULD YOU LIKE THE COCAINE?

THAT'S WHY EARLIER THIS YEARTHE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION

PROPOSED A NEW BAN ON ALLCOMMERCIAL IVORY SALES

WITHIN THE UNITED STATES.

AND STRICTER DOCUMENTATIONREQUIREMENTS FOR ANTIQUES.

>> THE NEW REGULATIONS THEYEFFECTIVELY CHANGE THE

BURDEN OF PROOF.

>> THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

IT SHIFTS THE BURDEN OFPROOF FROM THE GOVERNMENT TO

THE HOLDER OF THE IVORY TOPROVE ANY IVORY THEY HAVE IS

ANTIQUE.

>> Jon: NOW YOU KNOW DEMOCRATSARE GOING TO SUPPORT THESE

RULES, THERE ARE NO ANIMAL THEYWON'T PROTECT, THAT'S WHY

THOUSANDS OF SEVEN YEAR OLDS'HEADS HAVE BEEN SET ASIDE AS

NATIONAL LICE PRESERVES.

BUT REPUBLICANS,REPUBLICANS?

ACCEPT A NEWREGULATION FROM THE OBAMA

ADMINISTRATION, EVEN ONEDESIGNED TO SAVE THEIR

BELOVED MASCOT?

(LAUGHTER)>> YOU HAVE TERRORISTS AND

REBEL GROUPS CAPITALIZING ONTHIS TRADE.

>> WE NEED VERY AGGRESSIVEACTION.

>> I JUST FIND IT HORRENDOUSTHAT PEOPLE ARE DOING THIS IN

THE 21st CENTURY.

>> NAIL THESE PEOPLE.(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WE HAVE JUST WITNESSEDSOMETHING RARER IN NATURE

THAN THE AFRICAN ELEPHANT.

BIPARTISAN COMMITMENT TO ANISSUE.

NO-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> BUT OF COURSE, IT MAKESSENSE.

IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE.

ELEPHANTS GET PRESERVED,TERRORISTS GET DENIED FUNDING,

WHAT KIND OF AN ASSHOLE WOULD BEOPPOSED IT?

>> WE ARE FIRST DOING IS TRYINGTO DEFEAT THIS IVORY BAN.

>> Jon: OH, AN NR ASSHOLE. OHNRA,

IS THERE ANYTHING THATYOU WON'T TRY TO

KILL THAT KEEPS OTHERTHINGS FROM BEING KILLED?

WHY WOULD YOU BE AGAINSTSOMETHING THAT KEEPS ILLICIT

MONEY OUT OF THE HANDSOF TERRORISTS?

>> IT IS ALSO A FIREARMSISSUE.

BUT IT'S REALLY AN ISSUE FORANYBODY WHO HAS IVORY.

>> IT'S CRAZY.

>> THIS INVESTMENT THAT YOU JUSTINHERITED, IS WORTHLESS.

>> IT IS GOING TO DRIVE THEPRICE OF IVORY UP.

>> MAKE THE OWNERS CRIMINAL.

>> DESIGNED TO HURTAMERICANS.

>> Jon: SO I GUESS THE ONLYTHINGS THAT SHOULD BE HURT HERE

ARE GIANT LAND MAMMALS ANDVICTIMS OF AFRICAN

TERRORISM.

LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT, BUNCH OFNUTS SITTING AROUND IN A STUDIO

YACKING IN A RADIO, THATCAN'T PUT A DENT ON THIS

JUST AND POWERFUL BIPARTISANCONGRESSIONAL RESOLVE.

NO LAWMAKER IS GOING TOTAKE THE BATHE.

>> FOR THOSE WHO ARE CONCERNEDTHAT THIS ADMINISTRATION IS

TRYING TO TAKE AWAY OUR GUNS,WELL, THIS REGULATION COULD

ACTUALLY DO THAT.

I'VE INTRODUCEDLEGISLATION S2587.

THE LAWFUL IVORY PROTECTIONACT OF 2014 TO STOP THIS

MISGUIDED POLICY FROM GOINGFORWARD.

>> MOTHER [BLEEP].

SEE, THIS IS WHY WECAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

LIKE ELEPHANTS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.