Natasha Leggero - Toilet Babies

Natasha Leggero Season 15, Ep 16 03/25/2011 Views: 65,430

Natasha Leggero's favorite TV show is about women who don't realize that they're pregnant until it's too late. (3:18)

- Do you guyshave babies?

I know,gross, right?

[audience laughing]

Oh, you can'tgo out anymore.

My friends who havebabies can't do anything.

Having a baby is likea DUI from the universe.

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

The only timeI wanna see babies

is on my new favoritetelevision show called,

"I didn't knowI was pregnant."

[cheers and applause]


Does anyone know whatchannel this is on?

"The Learning Channel."

[audience laughing]

It's on"The Learning Channel."

And, I don't wanna spoilit, but it's a reality show,

where these women arewalking around town,

I don't know, maybethey're going camping.

All of a sudden,a baby comes out...

[audience laughing]

...usually in a toilet,

and they have no ideathey're pregnant.

And so TLC's trying tomake this show educational.

So they're like,"Pregnancy tip number two:

"This canhappen to you."

[audience laughing]

Uh, no one smart'shaving a toilet baby.

[audience laughing]

It's not like,

"Darling, you'll never guesswhat's come out of my vagina."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

It's always like,

"A baby come out--What'll I do?"

[audience laughing]

You never hear storieson that show like,

"Well, I was makingmy way down to the stables

"because Velvet Crusaderhad been nickering about...

"and I look down,

"and you'll never guesswhat came forth from my loins.

[audience laughing]

"Baby Arthur."

[audience laughing]


[cheers and applause]

Every storyon that show,

"I just finished doing the"Batman" ride at "Six Flags."

"Going to get meanother cotton candy stick.

"I looked down,there is a baby on the street.

"I walked two blocks, thatdamn thing's following me."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

How do you notknow you're pregnant?

Animals knowthey're pregnant.

What didshe think?

nine months ago,she ate a bad "McRib?"

[audience laughing]


"Don't order thatnumber three combo.

"Ahhh-- that makeyour period stop."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

"Oh--Ah, ah, oh.

"Oh, that old burgermust've had a curse on it.

"I 'membernight I ate it,

same night I [deleted]that janitor.

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]


That woman is so dumb thatwhen she went into the bathroom

and launched thechild into the toilet,

The first thing sheprobably thought was,

"I don't 'membereatin' no baby."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

And the kid,

who probably already has ahigher reading level than her,

is like, "Did I seriouslyjust pop out of this idiot

"and into a toilet?"

[audience laughing]

And there's another showon about toilet babies, um...

"Keeping Up withthe Kardashians."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]