Ardal O'Hanlon - The Best Way to Smuggle Drugs

  • Season 5 , Ep 15
  • 10/07/2001
  • Views: 10,974

Here's the best way to smuggle drugs into a country. (1:52)

THEY'RE USELESS, AREN'T THEY?

THEY ARE.

THEY'RE USELESS AND THEY'RE

INEFFECTIVE AND THEY BURST.

AND YOUR STOMACH JUST CAN'T COPE

WITH THE SUDDEN IMPACT OF TWO

KILOS OF COCAINE!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

IT'S A VERY DELICATE ORGAN,

THE STOMACH.

AS SOME OF YOU KNOW, THE BEST

WAY TO SMUGGLE DRUGS INTO A

COUNTRY, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU

CHOOSE TO DO, AND I'M NOT

RECOMMENDING IT.

THE BEST THING TO DO IT PLACE

THEM CAREFULLY IN A DOG'S

BOTTOM, LIKE SO.

YEP.

JUST SHOVE THEM UP A DOG'S ASS.

BECAUSE AT THE AIRPORT, IF THE

SNIFFER DOGS SUSPECT ANYTHING,

THEY UM...

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YOU KNOW, THE OFFICIALS WILL

JUST THINK THEY'RE BEING FRISKY.

SO IT'S FOOLPROOF.

UNLESS OF COURSE, YOUR DOG WEARS

SUNGLASSES AND SWEATS A LOT--

THAT'LL GIVE IT ALL AWAY.

SO, AH, I SUPPOSE SHEEP GET A

LOT HEAVIER WHEN THEY'RE WET,

DON'T THEY?

HUM?

AFTER A BIG DOWNPOUR THEY CAN

HARDLY WALK WITH THE EXTRA

WEIGHT, CAN THEY?

ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE CARRYING

PASSENGERS AND LUGGAGE.

YOU STILL WITH ME?

(LAUGHTER)

COWS-- THEY'RE NOT ABSORBENT

AT ALL, UNLIKE SHEEP.

I MEAN, THE WATER JUST RUNS OFF

A COW'S BACK LIKE IT WOULD A

LITTLE DUCK'S BACK.

AND A DUCK WOULD RUN OFF A COW'S

BACK LIKE WATER OFF A LITTLE

DUCK'S BACK.

BUT A DUCK WOULDN'T RUN OFF A

SHEEP'S BACK.

YOU KNOW?

THEY WOULD TRY VERY HARD

BUT WOULDN'T GET VERY FAR.

THEY WOULD JUST BE ABSORBED

INTO THE WOOL.

AND YOU'D HAVE A SHEEP FULL OF

DEAD DUCKS.

AND THAT'S NO GOOD TO ANYONE

REALLY, IS IT?

YOU KNOW, THE SHEPHERD WOULD

THINK-- THAT'S A UNIQUE PELT,

I'LL GET A GOOD PRICE FOR THAT.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

SO, AH...

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