Christopher Titus - It's a Rough-Ass World

Christopher Titus: Angry Pursuit of Happiness Season 1, Ep 101 05/09/2015 Views: 2,981

Christopher Titus explains why terrorists should do a bit more demographic research. (2:01)

It's a rough-ass world we'relivin in right now, man.

We've got schoolshootings, terrorism, Bank

of America customer service.

[laughter]

Sorry.

I told the guy on the phone, I'mgoing to talk about every show.

I swear to God, fix it. orI talk about you every show.

[cheering]

Thank god Iraq worked out, andwe're cool with Russia now.

And we're not importing Ebola.

What a great time to live.

[laughter]

We've got a new boutiqueterrorist group.

Now, do terrorists dodemographic research?

You know, terrorists aresupposed to terrorize us.

They have bombedBoston and New York.

You don't terrorize though.

You can stabsomeone in New York.

And they go, I'm walking!

People in Boston beat eachother's ass over hockey

when they like the same team.

[laughter]

That's who you bomb?

Terrorists, go after Seattle.

It's just stonersand lesbians, man.

You can, you can terrorizeSeattle with pimento loaf.

Hey man, they've got some weirdmeat, and it's not gluten free.

Get the Subaru and the kayak.

We're out of here!

[cheering]

Boston?

Really, Boston?

The second that bomb went offin Boston, everybody in Boston--

(BOSTON ACCENT) we'regoing to find these guys,

and they're going to endup bleeding out in a boat.

[laughter]

And what is yourpolitical stance bombing

the Boston Marathon?(SHOUTING) We

will never let the Reebokcovered foot of oppression

hold us down!

How bad can you hate sweatbands,booty socks, and Kenyans?

[laughter]

Those are black people thatrun really fast, Santa Barbara.

[laughter]

Yeah, look it up.

I know.

[cheering]

What is this blackperson he speaks of?