Jake Johannsen - Flying

Bedore, Hicks, Solomon Season 2, Ep 15 05/18/1993 Views: 1,425

No matter how much you drink on an airplane, they can't throw you out. (2:52)

Thank you very much forcoming out to-- I'm Jake.

And actually coming to"Two Drink Mon-- Minimum"?

Minimum-- um, the show thatbegs the question, how many

stand-up comedyshows does it take

before the market is saturated?

And really we believe one more.

Um, so, speakingof saturated, you

know where's a good placeto do some serious drinking?

Well, yeah, Congress, but Iwas thinking of airlines--

on the airplane, because twogood things about drinking

on the airplane areyou don't have to drive

and no matter howmuch you drink,

they can't throw you out.

Which I guess that's kindof true of Congress also.

But anyway-- Congress doesnot have those tiny bottles.

That's what you geton the airplane.

I love those tinybottles, you know?

I like to pretend thatthe bottles-- they're

regular-sized bottles, but Iam the Amazing Colossal Man,

you know?

I am a big manwith a big thirst.

Sometimes I like toput on a big diaper

and just ride on the-- yes,normal clothes do not fit me.

But what you don't want todo, though, on the plane

is so rent-- watch that movie.

They always get me.

I get-- I'm watching the movie.

I get all tied up in it.

And then they're aboutto tell the thing,

and the pilotinterrupts, you know.

And the murdereris-- [muffled voice]

[inaudible] About 72degrees in Chicago.

We're going to belanding on runway 29.

They have to tellyou the runway.

What run-- what-- I don'tneed to know the run--

I don't-- what is that?

Like, if the pilot is killed?

Who's going to land the plane?

I know.

I know what runway it is.

Don't let that man in thediaper land the plane.

He's drunk!

Um, but the other thing--the other thing with those

movies is theyalways-- they dub them,

and the dub out the dirty words.

And they edit them down, whichyou don't miss the dirty words

in a lot of movies, but--I'm serious-- I saw the movie

"Glengarry Glen Ross"on the airplane.

You seen this movie?

It's like every otherword is-- you know?

And-- but they change it.

And you're watching the movie,and they're-- and they're all,

well, forget you.

Forget it.

Fine.

Well, you can goforget yourself.

You know?

You know?

And the guy is like, well,that doesn't mean spit to me.

Why, if he doesn't likeit, he can kiss my act.

I mean, that's not evena thing-- kiss my act.

I halfway expect themto have "Full Metal

Jacket" on the plane, you know?

You ever see that movie?

Pyle, you're the kind of guythat'd forget a guy in his act

without giving thecourtesy of a reach around.